Think less of the power of things over you and more of the power of Christ in you.

Last day of year 2005, n my heart is feeling so troubled and perplexed. This is becoz the year 2005 had been too good a year for me in terms of my career, and the year 2006 will be a challenging year for me in terms of my career. But then, after reading today's daily bread, this phrase really strikes me like a bolt of lightning "Think less of the power of things over you and more of the power of Christ in you." Sometimes when I focus on worldly things n challenges, I will lose faith in god and jus let the problem complicate my heart, n I will sink into a state of depression and disillusion.
But praise god, he speaks to me thru the bible n thru prayer n worship songs during church service today. God also ended my old year and welcome the new year thru the beautiful thing called "fireworks" that human being created. So my new year actually started with watching the captivating n mesmerising fireworks at esplanade there. Fireworks is something that I will never get tired of watching. It is really a metaphor of the life that I wanna live. Short but so bright, memorable, beautiful, touching, unforgettable.
So in the new year, I really pray for god to lead n guide me in the following ways:
1) That my P6A pupils will truely know my heart, n what I have been doing for them, so that they will leave the school as a wise, meek, n good-hearted pupil.
2) That there will be more humanity in the whole education system, n in my school especially.
3) That I may know what my calling in life really is.
I also pray that god will continue to guard my heart, so that I will not fall into the abyss of emotional turmoil n darkness again n get hurt all over again. I pray that god will only open the door to my heart at the right time, right person, right moment......;)

与神面对面(An encounter with god)

Do you believe in god? Why do you believe in god? Is there a god in this world? Who is god?
I believe people who can think, who are able to think, who bothers to think, have ask this question themselves many times throughout their life.
Some people have found their answer, some people continue to search for the answer, some people have found, abandon, n continue searching for another answer.
My search for the way, the truth n the life, has always been a long, n emotional journey. I love to think, I love to read, n I don't want to stop myself from thinking and searching. But the truth is always more difficult to be found. Our heart, our emotions are the barriers separating us from the truth, separating us from god.
Life is not an easy journey. There are too many hidden hurts and sins in a persons' heart, in a person's life. A person can only help himself by being philosophical, by burying the hurts and sins, by being happy, by putting up a brave front. But nobody is really able to be truthful to himself, to face himself, to accept himself as who he is. The roots of hurts and sins are actually deeply rooted in many people's hearts and the biggest problem is nobody has really understand this truth and as time goes by, these hurts and sins modify their character, their thinking, and the way they live life.
Although there are still many things in the world that I do not understand, there are still many doings of god that I do not understand, there are times when my faith are not so strong, and I become weak, I can now open my heart to god, to face him, and to be very truthful to him. This is because I now understand that we are all precious children of god.
After going for this weekend encounter camp, I find that my heart has become very light, and the "cupboard" in my heart has been removed. ( I used to treat my heart as a cupboard, and to "compartmentalised" all my feelings so that I won't feel sad or hurt, and just feel indifferent about people and events.) All those past hurts and "world" sins that I have committed before I become a christian are now nailed to the cross, as Jesus has sacrificed for us on the cross. I just prayed that god will guard my heart in this confused and sinful world so that Jesus sacrifice for us will not be wasted.
But dear abba father, I need to tell you that my search for you does not end with the church, with those weekly prayer meetings, with those sunday services. I believe the although sinful but beautiful world that you have created is the journey which I must embark on in order to bring myself closer to you.
So dear heavenly father, do show me a way, and show me what my destiny is.

Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.

Life is a really rough road, full of friction between pple, between pple and the nature world, between pple and many other things.
But I'm really touch by the japanese animation that my P5 pupil lent me.......The mother teaches the child to trust pple, to believe in pple, to be kind-hearted, and she believes that there are many different kinds of kind-hearted pple in the world..........And there was this story about the "idiot' traveller who was being cheated of everything, n his eyes were eaten up by the monster. In the end, he was left with a head, but he was still saying "thank you", "thank you" with his last breath.
The teaching is so different from what are parents have been teaching us since young, "Don't trust people, don't believe in pple", As the chinese idiom goes "hai ren zhi xin bu ke you, fang ren zhi xin bu ke wu"........How wonderful the world would be if everyone was kind-hearted.
But this is an imperfect world, with imperfect pple......Hence the more we need you in our life god........N only u can give us kindness......Only your kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.

The Unbearable routineness of being?

The unbearable lightness of being?
The unbearable "routineness" of being?
How does a human being find routineness in life.
Waking up at around 9am every morning,
Going to school at 10am, n working non-stop until the evening.
Going home for my most beloved home-cook meal.........
This routinessness can be boredom, can be the comfort zone, can be a peaceful life, depending on how you view it...........;)

As the year 2005 draws towards the end

As the year 2005 draws towards the end,
I begin to reflect on my life in the new school.
In life, there is no turning back, and as the chinese phrase "the good horse doesn't eat grass of the past" says, I have never look back, and I'm really glad that god has guided me along the way and blessed me with so many great colleagues from the CL dept.
I begin to realise one thing too, the one that a person love may not be the one most suitable for one too.
I love my old school, but it is 100% definitely not suitable for me.........
In the new school, I love my CL dept. colleagues, n most of my pupils, but I am definitely going to remain indifferent, n not to give my heart away........;P...And being an ex-pupil doesn't increase or decrease my love for the school too........
I have to be indifferent, because I am not the person who is able to "luo4 di4 sheng1 gen1"......The world out there is so big n interesting, waiting for me to explore, n create new stories........I won't want to left my heart with a neighbourhood school near my house.........
But I'm glad, really glad, really blessed, that god has given me a new beginning, a whole new world, a new perspective of life, n more time to do things that I enjoy doing........Thanks father, amen.........

Following your heart and letting god directs your step

Proverbs 16: 9 " In his heart, a man plans his course, but the lord determines his steps."
I love this phrase, and it really speaks out loud to me now, at this point of time, when I'm leaving a school where I have been for 5 years, where I have been very comfortable, where I have sink into the comfort zone, where I have become stagnant. And leaving for a new school with a totally new environment, totally new collegues, totally new students, new principal, and many many more new challenges.......
But then, what is life afterall, without new experience, without new challenges, without new perspective, without new risks to take.......

对的人

你问在我心中是否还苦恼
那次受伤否决了爱的好
谢谢你的关照 我一切都好
一个人不算困扰

那次流过的泪 让我学习到
如何祝福 如何转身不要
在眼泪体会到 与自己拥抱
爱不是一种需要 是一种对照

爱虽然很美妙 却不能为了寂寞
又陷了泥沼

爱要耐心等待 仔细寻找
感觉很重要
宁可空白了手 等候一次
真心的拥抱
我相信在(这个)世界上 一定会遇到
对的人出现(在眼角)

能愿意为了一份爱付出去多少
然后得到多少并不计较
当我想清楚的时候
我就算已经准备好
放手去爱 海阔天高

If he's not the right person, why is it that my heart is not with me anymore, and I really don't know how to find it back.........

Birthday 2005

This is my first attempt of writing an english poem, (or is it a poem at all?) since I don't have chinese software at home. I jus find that writing poem is a good way of expressing my emotions, thoughts, n feelings. At the same time, I will leave a mysterious side to my readers, as they will have all the space in the world to let their imagination run, and to interpret in their own way what I'm trying to say........

Birthday 2005

As the clock ticks, in reality and biologically,
my birthday jus pass me by, with lots of reflection, happiness and depression.
How many birthdays have passed me by, how many of them I can remember?
From mountains of gifts, treats, to simple well wishes that I truely treasure.
At 12 in the morning of my birthday, I blow out a simple cake at coffee bean east
coast, with a cup of ice chocolate.
Everything was very simple, but this is just what I want for my birthday as I grew
older.
Friends that still remember my birthday and spend time with me.
I had just met someone new, someone who was not in my life before, someone
who may leave anytime. Nobody knows.
But on that morning, I had V, J, n E by my side, although V is the only one closest
to me, and I don't dare to become close with E anymore.
On the night of my birthday, I came back to east coast again.
I was so touch when M and R sang a birthday song for me under the bright full
moon.
It was mid-autumn festival, and I really yearn for a full reunion of my heart,
body, soul and mind with the destined one.
But I will pray ernestly for god to guard my heart, and hear my cries and lead me
to the special person, not jus any tom, dick and harry, who will only steal my
heart away.
But at the moment now, I really must give praise to god for providing me with so
many friends and family at my side, so that I won't feel lonely.
My beloved nephew YY, my nagging mother, my frens V, M, E etc. and my
newfound fren J.
Although you may have "hurt" me so deeply, I still look forward to every saturday
evening, as we sweat all out troubles and heartaches away.
As for J, I really pray that you will not feel lonely, and find the destined one in
your life, and lead a meaningful and fulfilling life.
And my beloved V, we are really similar when it comes to searching.
We really need each other, jus as we both need god in our life, and we are god's
most precious gift to each other.
As my days sink into the comfort zone and rat race again, I ernestly pray that I
will not lose my passion and innocence for life, and that I will continue to make
an impact in another's life, without losing that passion in the process.

Passion? Innocence?

Dear god,
I'm feeling very very tired, not only physically, but I guess emotionally and mentally too........I feel that my heart is dying, its losing its passion, innocence, curiosity for many things in life........Is this your way of testing me, oh father, of trimming away my playful, and unstable character........Oh father, I really do not know what plans you have for my life........Nobody can give me any advice, only you can, god, coz no human being's intelligence can be compared with yours.....
Sometimes I feel so lonely in life, but at the same time, I'm slowly losing my passion for people, I jus do not feel like getting to know new people, or interacting with people..........I'm slowly losing the joy of being a teacher, interacting with students, as I slowly lose the passion for everything........I won't get depressed, but I won't feel joyful too.........oh father........Can you show me how to be a real christian..........?
If any christian happened to read my blog, can you pray with me too.....?.....Pray that I would find the real "me" while I'm turning 29 years old on 18 Sept. this year..........I feel very flattered when pple said I don't look my age, but the truth is also I refused to grow up and take on responsibility.....I jus wish to be a child forever...........a child, a child, a child..........

快乐是

快乐是在炎炎的夏日里吃一口冰凉的冰淇淋。
快乐是在寒冷的天气里，和家人好友围着暖暖的炉子吃火锅。
快乐是能够和你最爱的人过着幸福、喜乐的日子。
快乐是能够活得自由自在、无拘无束、无忧无虑。
快乐是能够在美丽的湖泊、雄伟的雪山、浪漫的海边散步，欣赏这美丽的大自然。
快乐是能够跟着你的心意，去做你想做的事。
快乐是你周围的亲朋好友能够活得健健康康、快快乐乐。
快乐其实是很简单的，只要你用心活着，用心欣赏这世界，快乐就在你我的身旁。

离别

原来离别的心情是这样的，
我终于体会到了。
一段旅程的结束，
另一段旅程的开始。

原本以为我可以潇洒地走，
挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。
但是我所留下的，岂止是云彩。

那躲在每一间课室的角落里，
每一间课室的空气中，
是多少我的喜怒、哀愁、烦闷、无奈、无助、心碎。。。。

而那些在时间的长河中慢慢凝固的感情，
也将会在时间的长河中慢慢溶化。
而那些正等着时间去雕琢的感情，
也将会被时间的工匠所遗忘。

那些曾使我欢笑的脸孔，
那些曾使我感动的脸孔，
那些曾让我歇斯底里的脸孔。
一切都将随着时间的流逝，
沉淀在记忆的长廊里。

我不可以悲伤，
我不可以留恋，
我不可以舍不得，
因为这一切将阻碍我前进。

前面的道路是我自己的选择，
唯有将这一切交在天父的手上，
因为我的心筹算了我自己的道路，
但惟有耶和华指引我的脚步。

亲爱的朋友，
亲爱的同学，
在这离别之际，
我打从心底祝福你们，
也祝福我自己。
希望大家都能活得健康、快乐，
在肉体上、精神上、灵魂上。

白天与黑夜

白天，心是平静的湖面。
黑夜，心就掀起了阵阵涟漪。

疯狂的世界

在这疯狂的世界里，
我感冒了。
带着感冒的心情，
我跌入了更疯狂的陷阱里。

每天周而复始的生活，
每天周而复始的疯狂，
每天周而复始的想念，
每天周而复始的等待。

在这疯狂的世界里，
每个人都疯狂地追求某个目标。
疯狂地努力生活，
疯狂地努力做个专业人士。

全世界都疯狂了。
在这疯狂的世界里，
我难以清醒。

我写诗

我写诗，
因为生活太沉闷，
需要一些精神上的滋润。

我写诗，
因为生活太理性，
需要诗歌来添加浪漫的元素。

我写诗，
因为生活中的语言，
满足不了我干涸的心。

我写诗，
因为生活中有太多伤痛，
需要诗歌来治疗。

我写诗，
因为压抑在胸口上的重量，
需要诗歌来承载。

我写诗...................................
我写诗...................................
我写诗...................................

雨天

雨天，窗外下着细雨。
淅淅沥沥的雨声，
扰乱了我的清梦。
梦的尾巴， 溶化在朦胧的雨中。
拒绝苏醒的我，
手中紧握着一些残存的梦迹，
不想回到这个现实的世界。

雨天，窗外下着细雨。
我的心也下着细雨。
淅淅沥沥的雨声，
遮盖了它歇斯底里哭泣的声音。
这场雨何时会停止？
这颗心何时会阳光普照？

雨天，窗外下着细雨。
淅淅沥沥的雨声，
是否也扰乱了你的清梦？
今天的你能够听到淅淅沥沥的雨声，
然而明天的你也许将会往天涯的尽头飞去。
一个人的生命中，
到底有多少个雨天，
能够让他去收藏、珍惜？
窗外的雨继续下着、下着、下着。。。。。。

风的名字

风的名字叫聆听
在那我们一起仰望世界的山顶上
风儿轻轻抚摸我们的脸庞
偷偷倾听溶化在风中的真心话

风的名字叫别离
在那雪花纷飞的元旦晚上
风儿无情地把你带到世界的尽头
让我尝尽了别离的心碎

风的名字叫孤独
在那只剩我一人的山顶上
风儿和我都拥有了全世界
但也拥有了无人能体会的孤单

风的名字叫漂泊
在那它所走过的地方
我们都注定是生命中的过客
只有走出生活的房间才能找到永恒

风的名字叫思念
在那微风轻吹的海岸线
风儿从天的那边吹了过来
带来了他的消息 也带走了我的思念

寄去天堂的一封电邮

( 分不清现实与虚幻，
我的心在生离死别的世界中已经残废。
为这颗心筑起了一道墙，
让它不再受伤害。
为我的面孔戴上了一个面具，
让它不再流露喜怒爱乐的情绪。)

你的猝然离去，
让我们的心跌倒了，
并学着再一次站起来。
你的名字默默地逗留在邮址中，
发出了无声的抗议，
惊醒了我们都想收藏起的回忆。

那段青春年少的日子，
从一张张发黄的照片中，
飘入了现实的空气中。
原来我们曾经欢笑过、痛哭过、争执过、跌倒过，
虽然只有一些回忆是属于我的。

如果不是你的猝然离去，
我们都还在各自的生活中翻滚，
迷失在追逐的过程中，
模糊了生命的真正意义。

不过，我请求在天堂的你，
能够扶持我们残废的心，
走过这悲欢离合的世界，
并在未来的某一天， 大
家能够在天堂里重逢。

今天，我寄了这封电邮到summersnow@gardenofheaven.com
而你，你收到了吗？
如果收到了，请回一封电邮给我吧！
我会期待你的回信。
记得哦，我的邮址是autumn918@gardenofearth.com

感觉

感觉这东西，
总是那么折磨人。
因为有了感觉，
思念也成了我的好朋友。

感觉这东西，
总是令人那么疑惑。
因为有了感觉，
让我成为夜的诗人。

感觉这东西，
总是令人无法相信。
因为有了感觉，
一分钟的相识，
竟变成了一辈子的思念。

在瘟疫蔓延时

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
在我们的世界里留下了一个问号

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
漂浮在天地间的某一个角落

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
在我们的未来岁月中留下了一页空白

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
使我们的思绪
都停搁在木麻黄下的那段岁月

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
让我从此再没机会和你重逢

在瘟疫蔓延时
你也离开了我们
使得多少颗心
遗落在红尘中

思念

思念

思念占据了我的脑海
在夕阳西下的校园里
在寂静空荡的校园里
搜寻一丝丝你所留下的足迹

思念占据了我的脑海
在黑夜悄悄到来时
在即将入梦的那一刻
你静悄悄地走入我梦中

思念占据了我的脑海
在每个星期三的会议后
我脑中反复回忆的
是你在会议中所留下的身影

思念占据了我的脑海
在校园中的每一天
你的一颦一笑 只言片语
竟成了我挥不去的思念

哎 思念这感觉
到底是幸福 还是悲哀
我想当你思念一个你暗恋的人时
那是悲哀
而当你思念一个爱你的人时
那是幸福