失眠之夜

我是个很少会失眠的人，
不过昨晚我却失眠了，
睡得非常不好，
满脑子思考着感情与婚姻的问题。
我真的不知道该不该去揣摩神给我的感动，
以及Y为我祷告时说看到的意象。

我们已经走了这么远，付出了这么多，
要重新把这段感情放在祭坛上，
我真的很怕，很难做出这个牺牲。
我对爱的疑惑又开始在心中浮现。

其实我知道即使换了教会，
你对某些事情的看法还是那么极端，
而最后能够真正成长的人只有我一人。

神啊，如果我把这段感情交在你手上，放在祭坛上，
最后会不会有人受伤害呢？
我真的不想看到这样的结局。
我们两人最后会幸福吗？
你能够永远保护着我的心吗？
你可以给我一个明确的答案吗？

一棵开花的树 - 席慕容（献给我的老友MG)

一棵开花的树

如何让你遇见我
在我最美丽的时刻

为这
我已在佛前求了五百年
求佛让我们结一段尘缘
佛於是把我化做一棵树
长在你必经的路旁

阳光下
慎重地开满了花
朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近
请你细听
那颤抖的叶
是我等待的热情

而当你终於无视地走过
在你身後落了一地的
朋友啊
那不是花瓣
那是我凋零的心

分手后暂缓当朋友-吴淡如

「我的前男友，分手后不久，就开始想要约我见面、喝下午茶。」念大二的她说：「我不想。可是他却很不高兴的说：当初我们分手时，妳不是说可以当朋友吗？为什么现在却想把我当成陌生人。」

　她不是完全不念旧情。只是分手时太痛。他和她很好的朋友有一夜情，被她知道了，她主动要求分手，很有风度的祝他们幸福。现在，他又和她的好友分手了，常打电话来给她，说还是她最好。可是，她也有了新男友，新男友对她很好。

　她是个心思单纯的人，不想制造误会。

　这种问题是许多情人都会碰到的。被要求「当朋友」的人，比要求者来得困扰。
　因为，太积极要求当朋友的人，通常不是真的只想当朋友──

　在协议分手不久后要求「当普通朋友」的人，心中多半存有「破镜重圆」的渴望。

　他心里应该都还有爱，对于分手的决定十分后悔，所以急着要机会：忽然有一天想起他，就不能控制渴望，想听听他的声音，再与他连系一下。

　人们总是这样：如果真爱过，无法有结局的爱情，常会像一缕冤魂，在某个时刻来纠缠你。

　人越年轻的时候，分手的理由越多。

　有时只是因为一句气话，一个谣言，一个疏忽，一点傲气，一点少不更事，或者，只是因为你复杂的小脑袋想得太多。

　人生最痛苦的事之一，是和心爱的人为了一个你所不喜欢的理由而分手；更懊恼的是，和心爱的人为了一个莫明其妙的理由而分手。

　可是，分手后能当朋友是好事，但我并不相信，分手之后能立刻当朋友。因为没有人真的是「快快乐乐分手」的。

　虽然，很多人提起分手的情人，都会云淡风轻的说，啊，我们还是朋友。

　其实，如果能够在分手后马上当朋友，那就表示，你没有真正炽炽热热的爱过。
　深爱过的人，岂能马上当朋友？

　别逞强了。人啊人，都要到许多年之后，痛才不再痛，才能忘却旧伤口。

　就算说「还是朋友」，所谓的朋友，也不是单纯的朋友。

　那样的友谊，是蒸馏过的爱情，一种对于世间残梦的成全。杂质已经消失，期待着你快乐、我也幸福，若不能两全其美，至少也是「虽然我不快乐，但也要你幸福」或「虽然我不幸福，却希望你快乐」！

　蒸馏爱情成为友情，永远需要时间。

Turning 31, way past the quarter-life crisis

I turn 31 today, on 18 September, one of the important days in China history.
I am always very touched when people remember my birthday, and wish me happy birthday or give me just a simple gift.
As I grow older, I find that its not the gift or the treat that matters, its really the heart & the thought that counts.
Because I myself find it not easy remembering people's birthday.
And whatever gifts or meals that I wanted, I can buy with my own money.
Thank you L & P for remembering my BD on such a busy school day......
I thank god for having real friends in this school......;)

I feel quite important today, because this is the day that god has made me.
But somehow, I feel confused too, because I don't know what else I want out of life,
and how I'm going to live my life for the next century and more centuries to come.
Its always a mixed feeling on birthdays, as you grow older and older and older.

I had quite an unforgettable birthday celebration with my new family members on Saturday.
How they arrived so early at Aston's so that we can get in & have a cheap & really nice dinner,
how she go about searching for the pink colour bag for me,
how she made the effort to wrap the gift so nicely,
how he/she remember that I love cheese cake and buy one from the famous cheesecake cafe,
how they sing the birthday song, and listen to my birthday wishes.
I really thank god for bringing me to this cell group.
Everything that they do have touch my heart and add a personal touch to everything.
Thank you friends.......

十周年纪念-距离、思念、离别、重新出发

九月九日那天，房举行了十周年纪念的庆祝会。
在没有正式交代的情况下离开了，
我的心中背负着许多谴责、埋怨、伤害、负担。
因此我决定在这个特别的日子回返，
以放下我心中所有的负担，
以修复所有断了线的感情，
让我能够重新找回我的翅膀，
再往更高、更远的地方飞去。

当这特别的日子渐渐逼近时，我的心中竟然满是期盼，
因为我知道神会在我们大家的心中动工，
我知道是神在带领我回去探望栽培了我五年的地方。
我也渐渐体会到原来距离会让思念加深。

那天早上，我的心中充满了喜悦和忐忑，
因为我又能够见到许多好久不见的老朋友，
我又能够以我那么熟悉的语言赞美神 。
不过我也害怕他们会怎么对待我这个夹带包袱潜逃的小孩。

可是当我一进入神的圣所后，一切的担忧都是惘然的。
我又再次敞开我的心，以我最热爱的语言与歌曲敬拜赞美神。
我知道这里曾是我的家，永远也会是我的家，
因为家里面的许多人都很想念我，而我也很想念他们。

在我离开之前，我的心中突然又一股感动，
促使我紧紧地抱住HL、R与J，并感谢这五年来她们对我的栽培。
他们说“天冷就回来”，但我说“天暖，我也会回来”，
因为我相信神将会带领我的方向，
我根本不必担心害怕，也不必回头看。
我相信天只会越来越暖，道路只会越走越宽敞 。

Coping with death of loved ones

Dear Ning,

I must be the one who prompted you to write the recent blog. Yes, I fully agree with what you said about missing that person more as you could not find another who could replaced him, and who could treat you the way he treated you.

But let me share with you another true story, now that as I read your blog, it rekindles my memory. Its actually just a simple story, but somehow the moral of the story is not to love somebody too much, and not to be too 'attached' to another person. Because if that person suddenly leave you much earlier than expected one day, its really hard for you wound to be healed and to fully recover. However, there's always two sides to a coin, it really depends on how you view life and the whole situation.

Few years ago, my ex colleague saw one of her friend and her current husband on the street. She told me that this friend has remarried and this is her 2nd husband. Her 1st husband, whom she love with all her heart and soul, passed away very suddenly one day. She was heart broken of course. But a few years later, because of her kids and many other practical reasons, she remarry again. She gets along well with this current husband and life goes on as usual, but her heart is no longer with her anymore, and she could not love like before anymore. I believe there is still love in her, but its the fragmented remains of her residual love.......

I don't know what is the shape and situation of your heart right now. But I believe you will be able to find another 'big brother' and even 'future husband' who will treat you the way J treated you. You are still young and there are still many opportunities to meet new people. Let J lives forever in your heart, and don't feel resentful towards those around you. I know its always those closest to you, and those around you who disappoint you the most. Maybe they are 'too close for comfort'. Hahaha. Maybe one day, distant will make all of you appreciate each other more....
Its just like the 'physical distance' between us now have however draw our hearts and mind closer through the blog n msn...........Hee...........;)