My teenage years

Just watch the movie "teenage textbook movie" & suddenly all those memories came back to me. My teenage years was like more than 15 years ago & everything seems so far away & seeing it through a veil. The memories are both bittersweet & heart-wrenching. Those years of innocence, shyness, fast-pace heartbeat & also fear, withdrawal, & sinking into sadness & depression. But I agree, love now will never be as pure & innocent as back then.

I could never forget how my fear of love & heart-break drove him away from my life after 1 week of orientation & fun & 3 months of being in the same school. I could never remember his name & how he looks like now, but I could still remember the long chats, long nights in school & long bus ride home. It was the 1st time somebody sent me home for my whole life. But I eventually turned a cold shoulder to our friendship because of my fear of falling in love & thus the possibility of a heart-break. My biggest fear then was actually falling in love & losing control of my own emotions & not being able to do any other things. Another biggest fear was also the possibility of a heart-break because I knew I was too young then. From then on, I keep the longest distance from guys & never believe in platonic friendship anymore for the rest of my teenage years.

Love back then was something that occurs only in my imagination & dream. I treasure it only in the various literary works that I wrote & the dreams that I dream. I never wanted it to become a reality because I don't believe I could ever find such love in real life. I wonders whether my growing up years have made me become what I am today & whether certain view of love still affect me sub-consciously as an adult today......