The joy of having children? I wonder......

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My niece "fat mei mei", Shixuan, Isabelle.


My nephew Yang Yang, Jonathan & her new-born sister(1st photo).

Raising the birth rate in S country has become a national issue again & everybody is talking about it. But this is not something so simple as it involves finding love & marriage for those "unfortunate" busy singles, the rising cost of living in S country, & the crazy work-life in this crazy society. All these are not changeable by a helpless human being & individual like us.

But I'm really quite amused that having children can be a national issue. However, they can implement whatever measures they want, but the citizens will just treat it as an after coffee talk & not do anything to support these measures. Its our own life ok, & the 1st person you need to influence to make her change her mind about having children is me.

Sometimes, I do feel bad about making this internal vow about not having children & I wonder what will happen if I really want a child next time. As a christian, I should not be thinking this way because children are actually blessings from god & in the past, god punishes women by making them barren.

Of course I know what the joys of having children are. I currently have 3 cute nephews & nieces & two of them are being looked after my mum currently. I have been carrying them, playing with them, reading to them since 4 years ago when my nephew was born. They are really an added joy to my daily routine & hectic worklife. However, all these are only limited to spending time with them & loving them. I really don't have the ability & responsibility of looking after them for their wholelife, & I'm glad they still have their parents.

I don't know why, but as I stay longer in this profession, my desire of having children keeps plunging, plunging, plunging. And sad to say, I don't have much desire in the 1st place. I just find the opportunity costs & sacrifices too high for me to bear. I also find it very sad to bring them into this future society & this future world.

不孝有三，无后为大。I don't really agree with this anymore. Sometimes the burden of looking after the child & raising the child has been shifted to the older parents who do not even have a chance to enjoy their freedom in old age. It is also physically tiring looking after a kid. Hence, I find that giving birth & asking parents to look after can be deem more unfilial.

Of course, whenever I look at the cute photos above, I am also really afraid that I will regret & not be able to turn back the clock in future. But I believe if I continue to love myself & love others & find meaning in life, I won't regret this decision afterall......