If

I had a near accident today while I was waiting at the traffic light, walking back home from school. Normally, I would be walking and thinking at the same time, and would not look out for any cars while I cross the traffic light. But today, I just lift up my head to watch the cars passing by. Just as the traffic light turns from green to red, a car passes by, followed by a motorcycle behind. I thought that the motorcycle would stop after the car passes by. Instead, the motorcyclist suddenly gains speed and zooms pass me. At that moment, my mind just went blank. Many "if"s come into my mind. What if I never stop in time? What if I was knock down by the motorcycle? What will happen to me? What if I never recover? What if something happened to me? What amount of grief will I bring to my family & friends? And I suddenly realized I'm not afraid of death itself? I'm just afraid of the grief I will bring to my family & close friends if I'm not around anymore. I'll rather be the one suffering in pain & grief, than to let my beloved family & friends suffer. Dear god, how transient, how short, how unpredictable & how sad life can be......