How to find peace & joy in this chaotic & sinful world?
3rd August (1st day of FOP)
This was really a busy, fast-paced & chaotic week for me. I just rushed forward like a bullet train, & thus it causes me to live in my flesh & leave my spirit behind. I don't know why my heart is always so heavy, burdened & tired at the end of the week. All those marking, datelines, unfair treatment, surface talking, ungrateful children, disobedient children, noises just caused me to be physically, emotionally, & spiritually dried up. Something also happened yesterday that made me feel so bad and couldn't forgive myself.......(But should I blame myself for my own forgetfulness? And who should I blame for being forgetful??? The workload, the education system, the society, the school????)
I was so engrossed in marking finish my books yesterday that I forgot that I had ordered some soup from the canteen auntie in the afternoon and had promised that I would take it from her at 5pm. However it was already 6.15pm when I suddenly remembered about it. When I went to canteen to take a look, she was not there already. I thought that she should have went home after waiting for me for half hour. However, it happened that she was still sitting near the gate and waited for me till 7pm. Oh my god, I really feel so bad. Thus, I specially went to buy some fruit for her this afternoon. However, she returned me the $3 for the soup, and even gave me one apple. But I still feel so bad about it, and it affected my teaching and emotions for the whole day. I really don't know what my mind is thinking about during working days. The minute I entered the school, I just think of marking, preparing lessons, doing powerpoints, nothing else. I don't even want to stop to chit-chat with my colleagues as time is precious. My marking is so urgent such that I need the books on that day or the next day. I don't know, I just feel that there's alot of things to do.
But thank god, after going for the FOP, I have finally forgiven myself, and slow down a little so that the holy spirit could catch up with me. As my weekends are very precious(spending time with god, bf and church frens), and I don't want to spend time doing work, my working days are really becoming more & more busy & chaotic such that I am beginning to lose myself. Dear god, I really wonders where the holy spirit is when I am in school doing work, marking, teaching & handling demanding bosses, colleagues & difficult children. I really pray that you would be able to tell me how to live by the spirit??? Where is love in a school like CZ????
This was really a busy, fast-paced & chaotic week for me. I just rushed forward like a bullet train, & thus it causes me to live in my flesh & leave my spirit behind. I don't know why my heart is always so heavy, burdened & tired at the end of the week. All those marking, datelines, unfair treatment, surface talking, ungrateful children, disobedient children, noises just caused me to be physically, emotionally, & spiritually dried up. Something also happened yesterday that made me feel so bad and couldn't forgive myself.......(But should I blame myself for my own forgetfulness? And who should I blame for being forgetful??? The workload, the education system, the society, the school????)
I was so engrossed in marking finish my books yesterday that I forgot that I had ordered some soup from the canteen auntie in the afternoon and had promised that I would take it from her at 5pm. However it was already 6.15pm when I suddenly remembered about it. When I went to canteen to take a look, she was not there already. I thought that she should have went home after waiting for me for half hour. However, it happened that she was still sitting near the gate and waited for me till 7pm. Oh my god, I really feel so bad. Thus, I specially went to buy some fruit for her this afternoon. However, she returned me the $3 for the soup, and even gave me one apple. But I still feel so bad about it, and it affected my teaching and emotions for the whole day. I really don't know what my mind is thinking about during working days. The minute I entered the school, I just think of marking, preparing lessons, doing powerpoints, nothing else. I don't even want to stop to chit-chat with my colleagues as time is precious. My marking is so urgent such that I need the books on that day or the next day. I don't know, I just feel that there's alot of things to do.
But thank god, after going for the FOP, I have finally forgiven myself, and slow down a little so that the holy spirit could catch up with me. As my weekends are very precious(spending time with god, bf and church frens), and I don't want to spend time doing work, my working days are really becoming more & more busy & chaotic such that I am beginning to lose myself. Dear god, I really wonders where the holy spirit is when I am in school doing work, marking, teaching & handling demanding bosses, colleagues & difficult children. I really pray that you would be able to tell me how to live by the spirit??? Where is love in a school like CZ????
posted by rebekah @ 11:08 AM
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