Living a meaningful and fulfilling life

朵朵小语-值得深思的几句话

2009-10-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

“好好品尝你自己的人生吧，何必观望别人的人生呢？”

“人生没有固定的公式。人生也不是一场有一定答案的考试。别管别人怎么处理他的人生，只想你自己喜欢如何享用你的蛋炒饭。”

“不要把别人走过的路当成自己的路，不要把别人的标准当成自己的标准。人生不是短跑竞赛，也不是马拉松比赛，而是穿着自己选择的鞋子向自己走去的过程。”

“你走在沙滩上，留下一行脚印。涨潮了，海水漫过沙滩，抹去了那行脚印。就像你走过一段人生之后，回身一望，却再也想不起曾经有过的伤痛与快乐、失落与获得，也记不得每一个欢笑的白天和哭泣的黑夜。现实仿佛梦境，一切终会过去。在痛苦不堪或快乐无比的经验，都会成为被海水淹没的脚印。”

“有些日子与朋友们聚首言欢，也有些日子一个人孤独地度过。笑语晏晏的时刻固然让你快乐，但静静不语的时刻却更能令你感受到空旷的喜悦，无边的自在。”

“有时候，你的心里会忽然想起一个人，一个过去让你魂牵梦萦的人。你在心中想着想着，但你知道，过去的那人已经永远过去了。时光如水哗啦啦地往前奔流，就算河岸的风景再美，一旦流过就永不回头。”

“为什么只因为大家都那样做，你也就那样做呢？为什么只因为大家都那么认为，你也就那么认为呢？你就是你，不是别人的复制品，也不是大众工厂流水线上生产出来的人形玩具。”

MOF-好棒的日本餐馆

2009-09-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

今天度过了一个人悠闲的下午，虽然说办公室的工作还是堆积如山，但难得的假期，我还是要宠一宠自己。原本要去免费按摩的，但因为才刚动手术，那人说要等三个月才能够按摩。突然多出来的时间，本想去图书馆沉浸在书海中，但无意中经过了MOF-Japanese Sweets & Coffee，才突然想起我可能还能够换取一个免费的绿茶/红豆/芝麻冰淇淋呢，因今天还是我的生日月份，所以便进去看一看。

这是我第三次踏入MOF的日本餐馆了。第一次去BUGIS JUNCTION的MOF吃买1送1套餐时，就爱上了这个地方的环境与多种选择的菜单，所以便毫不犹豫地成为其会员，因会员费只需6元。第二次又去同间餐馆，只为了吃免费DESSERT和鳗鱼石头饭。想不到今天又吃了多一个免费DESSERT，虽然我不知道一个人到底能吃几份免费生日DESSERT。我最爱的绿茶，红豆与芝麻口味的甜品，这间餐馆都有售卖，而且选择多样化。

我就这样在餐馆呆了两个小时。我点了一个芝麻口味冰淇淋与一个豆腐芦荟沙拉，只付了$2.88呢。难得偷得浮生半日闲，我一面阅读朵朵小品，一面吃着美味的甜品，喂饱了我的精神，也满足了我的口腹之欲。也许是因为我被朵朵的话语感动了，突然觉得我已找到我心目中的美食兼栖息之地。倘若我又一个人在外面，又不想去逛街，想休息时，我一定会拿着我的会员卡，独自一人走进MOF。倘若我心情不好，想用甜食来加强兴奋元素时，我也会再次选择MOF。我想能够把一间餐馆搞到这种程度，的确是不简单，由衷地感谢有这样一个地方让我停留。

當愛情缺席的時候－张小娴

2009-09-29T01:45:00.000-07:00

我記得我這麼寫過：無論你有多麼好，世上總會有不愛你的人。

是不是每個人都能夠找到愛情？有些人的確是一輩子也沒談過戀愛，那個命定的人，一直沒有在他生命裡出現。這事沒有幸或不幸，都是際遇。有些人有很多愛情，到頭來卻不見得幸福。沒有愛情的人，也一樣可以生活得很好。

當愛情缺席的時候，你要好好愛自己，學著聰明些。笨蛋永遠不會明白聰明是一種幸福。

當愛情缺席的時候，學著接受自己。只有當你接受自己的一切，你才會快樂，才能夠學著獨處。

當愛情缺席的時候，學著過自己的生活。過自己的生活，就是跟自己談戀愛，把自己當成自己的情人那樣，好好寵自己。

當愛情缺席的時候，學著對朋友好些。重色輕友，人之常情。重友輕色，失戀之常情。有了知己好友，單身的日子會過得容易些。

當愛情缺席的時候，你要努力些，努力工作，努力讓自己進步。男人有了事業，便有女人。女人有了事業，即便沒有愛情，至少還有錢。

當愛情缺席的時候，你要學著瀟灑，要明白錢會溜走，什麼都會失去，我們手上沒有一樣能夠永遠擁有的東西。

當愛情缺席的時候，並不代表你不好，也許你上輩子是個大情聖，配額已經耗盡了，這輩子只好坐坐愛情的冷板凳。

渴望归隐

2009-09-28T02:04:00.000-07:00

生命中就是常常发生那些点点滴滴的小事，让你渐渐看穿某些人，让你呆坐一边思考，他们为什么会变成那样，他们为什么变得越来越尖酸刻薄、步步为营、完美主义。

有时候，我宁愿不要你们形式上的关心与问候，因为你们真正关心的应该是我们的缺席是否会影响我们的工作与表现，以及这个机构的名誉吧！

有时候，我实在很惊讶，为什么人与人之间的沟通只剩下工作与数字，就像很多败犬女王的生命中也只剩下工作罢了。呜呼哀哉。

你们说，到底是自己的健康重要，自己肚里的小孩重要，还是那100巴仙的及格率以及必须不断上升的特优率重要呢？若你们从来没动过手术，若你们从来没怀孕和拥有自己的孩子，你们真的真的无法真正了解什么是重要的。我们的身上到底背负着多少责任与重担啊？我们到底要怎样区分自己的私生活与工作呢？到底是自己的私生活重要呢？还是这人类灵魂工程师的工作重要呢？

我越来越渴望离开了，离开这份工作，离开这个城市，去寻找我的桃花源，然后在那里归隐，并建立似《光阴的故事》中人与人之间那样的感情。不过，我想我现在还是只能在自己的心中建立一个桃花源。

脱离现实

2009-09-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

请了一个星期的病假，真的有脱离现实的感觉。不过，我也真佩服自己能够完全忘记工作上的一切，沉入自己的世界里面。我就这样拼命地阅读，拼命地观看《光阴的故事》，并放肆地哭泣。

那天到伊丽莎白医院取病假单时，就随意地逛了Orchard Ion。亮丽的灯光，耀眼的店面，看得我眼花缭乱，满目金星。充斥在眼前的是无止境的名牌-LV, Gucci, Prada, Longchamp, Salvatore ferragamo, Burberry, Dior 等。看着这些名牌货，我的确有想拥有的冲动，尤其是在看了http://www.renzze.com 这个博客之后。不过，看着这些价钱惊人的名牌时，我竟然也会感觉莫名的悲伤，不是为了自己，而是为了这个不平等的世界。这几年来，新加坡人的确变得越来越富裕。不过，花这么多钱在满足自己的欲望的同时，那些暴发户是否有想过他们的一个名牌包包能够帮助多少个地球上贫困的人民呢？我真的不舍得，也不忍心去购买任何名牌吧，毕竟钱还是有许多其他的用途的。我想我只会用我的眼睛去欣赏这许多美丽的事物吧！

一个星期的时间过得也真快。在结束这段休息之旅之前，JX的邀请，为我这短暂的病假划下了美丽的句点。想对我最亲爱的另一半说，我好舍不得这段旅程的结束。也想对JX干妹说，你这次的选择真的没错，我玩得好开心哦，也很期待下一段旅程。

现在回到了现实，虽然有点“显”，但因为有你们的陪伴，我期待每个周末，长假的来临。

微光中的歌吟

2009-09-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

鸟语声喧的清晨
悄悄起身披衣
谁在门外唤我
唤我迎向朝阳

无限沉静的清晨
独自走向林间
迷雾渐渐退去
苔痕露珠晶莹

心中舒畅快意
天地无限尽好
留取光芒几许
刹那化作永恒

钟声遥远的黄昏
独坐窗前凝想
谁在远处招手
招我走入夕阳

晚霞如火的黄昏
独自走向田园
暮云缓缓消失
夜空星辰闪耀

住院

2009-09-15T23:58:00.000-07:00

911那天，我动了生命中的第二场手术。这一次，说不害怕是骗人的（现在回想起来，还真佩服自己第一次动手术时的勇气），但我更心疼的应该是医药费吧。不过，这毕竟是我自己的选择，因我太珍惜自己的身体了。即使有钱，我也从来都不会花钱买任何名牌的东西。但是在选择医生与医院时，我还是坚持选择最名牌的，最好的，因为这一切都是值得的。如果时间能够倒流，我一定会选择购买100%私人医院医药保险。但一旦查出有一点问题，一切都太迟了。学校教了一大堆没用的知识，为什么唯独这一方面的知识没教呢？不过，我还是要庆幸我还有能力支付剩余的医药费。

那一天，许多好友鼓励与慰问的话语，以及神植入我心中的这句话"If God is for me, who can be against me"，使我在被推入手术室时感到异常平静。那一晚，《再苦也要去旅行》陪伴我度过了寂静的黑夜。

第二次住院的经验，让我深信只要计划好的话，再穷，也能够负担最好的医疗服务。
我这么珍惜我的生命，也是因为我也深信再苦，再穷，我每年也都要去旅行，去体验世界各地不同的生活。

The issue of poverty

2009-09-07T08:02:00.000-07:00

How do one start writing about such a heavy topic? Is this supposed to be a world issue? An economic issue? A personal issue?

Let's start by defining the meaning of poverty. It primarily means the state or condition of having little or no money, goods, or means of support.

So do you think there are poor people in Singapore? Do you think poverty is a simple issue or a complex issue? Do you think its one's own fault if one is poor? Is poverty due to laziness, lack of planning or many other more complex issues?

Sad to say, I've come across many people of the same faith who seems to be rich spiritually & in words, but really poor in so many others areas of their life. There's just too much talk & no action, no walking the talk. They kept thinking that god will bless them financially, & people around them should bless them financially & help them when they are lacking financially. But when they have the money, the help rendered to them earlier will be treated as long forgotten.

Sometimes, I really do not see the difference between openly cheating others & just "leeching" & depending on others for financial assistance. Those who tithe, those who donated to charitable organization, although they may be rich, but the money earned by them are also hard-earn money. Please do not "cheat" our money & please wake up & do something with your own life.

I'm really getting more & more fed up as I see more & more of such people in these two 27,000 & 19,000 strong congregation. God's grace, god's mercy & god's blessing are not something cheap, & to be taken for granted. I know I should not judge others, but god has also given me wisdom to ascertain the truth of many issues & people around me. I'm feeling so sad & heart-broken that there are Christian who can live their life this way & at the same time proclaiming their faith & the words of god using their mouth......I hate it, I hate it......

回“家”的苦闷《烦躁》

2009-09-07T07:48:00.000-07:00

虽然我有着一颗漂泊的心，不过最后还是选择了婚姻，只因为爱。
虽然我不是个宅女，但还是买了自己的家，并渴望能快点搬进去，
因为在自己的家中，就能为所欲为，不需要听到任何唠叨，埋怨。

胖妹的哭声，吵闹声，与阳的吵架声等等，还萦绕在我耳边。
我根本没责任照顾他们啊，当她的父母还在享受自己的二人世界，
挥霍金钱购买名牌的同时，我根本不想理她。
即使她跌倒了，被夹到手了，受伤了。
与此同时，使用电视，电脑，也要争个鸡犬不宁。

我可以不用再回来的，回家好苦闷啊。
我竟然渴望搬去那小小的房间，在这等待的四年之中。
我已经长大了，不应该再倚靠家人了。快搬走吧，快搬走吧。

Passion in one's work

2009-09-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

Do you still think you have passion in your work?
Do you think you are working because of money?
Do you think one will be able to find a job one love & still can earn lots of money?

As I sat outside coffee club, at raffles place area, surrounded by tall office buildings,
looking at those OLs & OMs passing by with stoned face, fast-paced footsteps,
I start to ponder over these various questions.

I think I'm the more lucky one today, at least there is a day set aside to commerate my vocation,
at least I'm having holiday today, having a sumptuous meal with friends of the same vocation,
relaxing & feeling the coolness of the breeze after a rainy afternoon & great dance workout at True Yoga.

I really do not know how I'm able to last 10 years in this vocation, with its ups & downs.
But I'm not going to complain, I'm going to think positive & continue to look for passion in this vocation.

I'm really lucky that I don't have to sqeeze with others on the train every morning & evening.
I'm really lucky that I don't have to wear so formally, put on chunks of artificial stuff on my face, & carry branded bags so as to look "professional".
I'm really lucky that I don't have to eat so expensive stuff for every lunch meal.
I'm really lucky that I don't have to be involve in so much office politics & climbing up the corporate ladder.
I'm really lucky that I don't have to sit in front of the computer table for at least 8 hours per day.
I'm really lucky that I'm the boss of my own classroom, & do not have to report to so many bosses.
I'm really lucky that I don't have to face so many meaningless "numbers" every day.
I'm really lucky that I can still be myself, be true to my own feelings & not live under a veil every day.
I'm really lucky that I did not follow in the footsteps of my other peers.

I want to continue to have passion for everything in my life.

钱的用途

2009-08-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

最近写博客的次数越来越少了，也许是因为越来越少事情能让我觉得烦心、激动。YX的事情就这样不知不觉地淡出我们的生命中。时间真的能让所有的事情沉淀。上个月压抑的心情与所有“叛逆”的行为，也被时间的运河冲走了。现在面对所有事情，都尽量以淡然自如的姿态处理，也感觉到自己心如止水，非常平静。

上个“长周末”，我可说是玩得非常尽兴。星期六晚上，与只剩我们五人的中学同学聚餐。我们好久没见面了，一边吃着健康的美食，一边聊到晚上11点。我发现JT竟然买了生平的第一个名牌包包，因她发现自己有时不知该把钱花在哪里，所以在丈夫的怂恿下，便在罗马买了一个名牌包包宠一宠自己。之后，FQ说她可把钱捐给慈善机构。不过，因为新加坡慈善机构的名声可说是越来越坏，所以影响了JT对他们的看法，使她不想捐钱给他们。

我听了后觉得有些难过，便开始思考着世界上贫富悬殊的问题，以及万能的钱的用途。因为C 买了“Hole in the Gospel"这本书，我才知道若你每年赚超过US$20,000，那你就比世界上90%的人富有。若你每年赚超过 US$50,000，那你就比世界上99%的人富有。

这个数字让我觉得有点惊讶，因我虽然比世界上99%的人富有，可是生活在新加坡这个地方，我却觉得相对的贫穷。也许是因为我越来越不容易感到满足吧。也许是新加坡的有钱人越来越多吧！

星期六下午，我又去伊丽莎白（MOUNT ELIZABETH）医院看医生。这是我第二次在ME看医生和动手术了。每次去新加坡的私人医院，我都感觉到有点心里不平衡，因这种地方绝对是有钱人来“光顾”的地方，而我在医院所接触的有钱人，超过90%都是外国人。

我很庆幸我能够选择私人医院，因我有住院保险可索偿。但是大多数的新加坡人呢？他们只能够把命交到政府医院的任何一个医生，而手术的结果只能看你的运气了。请原谅我的偏见，不过只要你亲身体验过政府医院与私人医院的不同后，就会对政府医院的医生有所偏见。毕竟所有顶尖的外科医生，都应该到私人医院自行开诊所了。

医疗服务对象的巨大差距，让我不禁感叹，比较没有钱的新加坡人的命就是贱命吗？比较有钱的新加坡人的命就是富贵命吗？那世界上那些根本没有医疗设备的地方的人民，他们的命岂不是要赔钱了？

钱，真的是很有用途的，所以一个人不可能有钱没地方花。接下来的日子，我不会再乱花钱的，因为我还要还房贷，我还要在自己或家人生病有需要时，花钱让他们享有最顶尖的医疗服务。我还要把剩下的钱捐给那些没有医疗设备的地方的人民，让这世界的财产的分配更为平均。

So please, I don't want to hear people telling me that money is the root of all evil. Its the love of money that is the root of all evil. There's really so many meaningful things that money can do for people in this world. Cheers to having more money & doing more meaningful things with more money......

改变

2009-07-23T06:31:00.000-07:00

这种郁闷、不满、厌倦、难过的心情一直积压在心头，
使我忍不住想做一些改变来调试自己的身心。
因此今天忍不住去改变了发型、挥别了郁闷的形象。

今天无意中看到那空荡荡的位子，心中的难过又涌上了心头。
这件事的阴影，毕竟是怎么挥也挥不去啊。
它无时无刻都在提醒着我们，此地不是久留之地，
今不如昨，做任何事都要步步为营、明哲保身，
并且不要太投入自己的情感、情绪。

原本以为大家都能够一直待下去，
因为生活是沉闷的，不会有太多变化的。
况且对他来说，做生不如做熟。

想走的人因着种种因素迟迟未走，
不想走的人却也因着突发的因素不见了踪影，
这是多么令人唏嘘的一件事啊。

费尽了一切心思、付出了多少时间与血泪的演出彩排，
却也抵不过世事的无常，突然延后，并可能永远喊停。
世界上好多的事真是人算不如天算，
想表现的人事物，却还是抵不过上天的安排。

不过你能够待十年的话，我相信你也能够一直待下去的。
你一定能够凭着信心与祷告，一直在这不完美的世界活下去。

迟暮之年的心

2009-07-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

我一直都很喜欢落日、夕阳、晚霞，因为它无比短暂的凄美动人，也因为它代表忙碌的一天的结束。所以不管是快乐的、悲伤的、气愤的、不平的，都要随着夕阳的落下、一天的结束而成为回忆中的一部份。

我觉得我今天的心情就像落日，但却是令人无比悲伤、感慨、无奈的落日。我们的事业总有一天也会像美丽的落日一般，眨眼间稍纵即逝，而且也许还会背负着无以翻案的罪名。

我想我在这里的日子也将要像夕阳一般沉入海里了，毕竟无法找到伯乐的骏马的心情，也只有当事人才能够体会吧。

Thought-provoking article & sermon

2009-07-14T05:54:00.000-07:00

Darling sent me an article from My Paper (13 July) this morning. The gist of the article is as follows:

“SINGAPOREANS are getting too caught up in the rat race. In the pursuit of economic growth, people are no longer valued as human beings and relationships are declining in importance.

As Singaporeans work harder for a living, they are also becoming less tolerant of failure and getting more materialistic.
It is time for us to take another look at how values are imparted in schools and homes.
Emphasis should be placed on work-life balance, family life and volunteerism.”

How true this is as I find it more & more difficult to have a work-life balance, to value family life, & to give my time to volunteerism. After reading this article, I start reflecting on the sermon preach by Dr. A.R.Bernard on Sunday, which is quite rare for me to do so. Haha.

I really love the parable of the good Samaritan mentioned that day. I also love the doctrine of the cultural mandate being adopted by CHC now & in the future. It really aligns to my conviction & that's why I truely believe that this is the place for me, despite being rooted in another church in my beginning 5 years of faith. Christ should be in culture, christ should be working dynamically within this fallen world. We must be the head, & not the tail.

As I re-read the parable of the good samaritan, I realized that there are just so many pharisees in this world, especially those in church. Like what A.R. Bernard said, many leaders in commercial organizations & religious organizations just love to hold summit & discuss about current problems in the world through day & night. After that, they would set up all types of red tapes, rules & regulations to make it so difficult to solve the problem. What an ironical???

As believers, if we really love god, we should also love people & do something about people's condition, & not just sit & talk & show empathy through words of mouth only.

Sometimes, I wonder: those people earning lots of money, & already living a very comfortable life, why are they still yearning for more high-end products & not doing anything about the current situation in this world? Why? When they are already so filthy-rich? Why? Why are they immune to those less fortunate people in this world? Why? Maybe, one day, if I really become filthy-rich like them, would I do something more to help those less fortunate people in this world? I know I will, if I still have god's love in my heart.

寂寞的滋味

2009-07-14T02:05:00.000-07:00

离人

银色小船摇摇晃晃弯弯悬在绒绒的天上

你的心事三三俩俩蓝蓝停在我幽幽心上

你说情到深处人怎能不孤独

爱到浓时就牵肠挂肚

我的行李孤孤单单散散惹惆怅

离人放逐到边界彷佛走入第五个季节

昼夜乱了和谐潮泛任性涨退字典里没春天

离人挥霍著眼泪回避还在眼前的离别

你不敢想明天我不肯说再见

有人说一次告别天上就会有颗星又熄灭

说不出的告别

回程的飞机滑进了无边的天际

一样的天气两种心情

装满回忆的行李留在原地是爱的纪念品

这一趟旅行写完了故事的结局

没有惊叹句没有疑问句

如果我不够坚定喊出了你的名字

打破沉默的僵局我该说对不起还是称心如意

我远远看着你保持着安全的距离

却有个声音在我心里挣扎着要出去

从你眼睛看不出你是否找到新恋情

那抹忧郁刺痛着我不可能忘记

我说服我自己没有我你会更顺心

可能你已经云淡风轻当我是个曾经

是不甘心还是依然爱着你

在告别之后让它随风去

记得我曾经那么爱着你

我很喜欢的两首歌。
没有伴侣的时候，寻寻觅觅的过程最令人感到寂寞。
渐行渐远、永远得不到的爱情，也令人无比寂寞。
得到了爱情后，分隔两地、心灵上有距离、彼此互相不了解，也令人感到无比寂寞。
寂寞的滋味，世界上的痴男怨女，都在细细品尝着、回味着。

谁真的想做一只败犬呢？

2009-07-13T07:52:00.001-07:00

在台湾背包时认识了“败犬”这个形容词。其实“败犬”这个形容词源自日本，可是却红于台湾。台湾可说是个创字量非常高、创字又非常有创意的国家。回到新加坡后，才发现台湾电视台竟然沿着这个形容词拍成了一部片《败犬女王》，因此最近也一直在网上追看这部戏。

其实，我也差点成为了一名败犬，虽然我不能够说我在事业上非常成功，但也不算太差。不过，我还是不适合当“败犬女王”的，所以过去几年来，我也一直潜意识地在寻找，虽然在迈入三十之路前差点放弃了。是啊，人生只有事业与金钱，没有爱情与婚姻，毕竟是不完整的。

日本的“败犬”高居榜首，台湾的“败犬”也不落人后，新加坡的也在急速上升。全天下的好男人都死到哪里去了呢？还是女人的眼光太高了？女人太强悍了？男人太懦弱了呢？这真是个值得辩论的话题。

所以，亲爱的出人头地的女同志们，你们是不是应该学一学那些小鸟依人、头脑简单、意见不多、乖乖听话的贵妇狗呢？因为也许她们才是真正的赢家啊！

生命是值得的（一颗残废的牙齿的启示）

2009-07-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

这几年，我好像习惯并能够忍受一颗残废的牙齿所带来的疼痛。

今天晚上就要把它拔掉了，心里似乎有点舍不得，

虽然它还是会继续给我带来痛苦。

舍不得，是因为我花了一千多快，试图把它救回来，

可是它却只存活了一年半。

这时候，我心里就会想：当初应该省了这一切，直接把它拔掉吧。

有什么东西，是值得一个人去花这么多钱拯救呢？

那就是生命了。

不过有些事情就是不能够尽如人意，花了一大笔钱后，

那生命也不一定能够存活。

她花了四千多快钱，她的小狗还是撒手人寰，离开了她。

世上这么多人，倾家荡产，他们最爱的人还是离开了。

这时，大家也只能够告诉自己，至少我尽力了，我试过了，

但是人生就是充满了未知、无奈与心酸。

我可怜的牙齿，你安息吧。

曲终人散

2009-06-26T01:37:00.000-07:00

人生的无常，有谁能够预知呢？
本来应该“健康成长”的小组，
却因不断扩散的“癌细胞”与医治不当的医生，
在无奈中被迫解散了。

大家谣传怂恿别人离开，并明示想离开的人，
却与大家一起坚持到了最后。
医生最得力的左右手，
却在大家毫无防备，完全没预料到的情况下，
静悄悄地离开了。
不过，人毕竟是自由、有选择余地的动物。
因此这一切无关乎对与错。

那些还在原地打转、钻牛角尖的犹豫份子，
希望你们能够抛下过去的风风雨雨，
坦然地面对所有的人事物，选择一条神所为你铺设的道路。

舍不得，在这两年种种“患难”中所建立起来的真感情，
期待着，在新的环境中所能够建立的新感情。
盼望着，大家能够成为有原则、有主见、有立场的人，
只为了不要再让历史重演。
祷告着，不会再有“致命”的“癌细胞”出现在新的环境中。

放假了，让心去旅行

2009-05-31T06:08:00.000-07:00

2009年在不知不觉中已经过去半年了。等了好久的假期终于来了。

放假了，虽然还有好多东西要做，但想到能够摆脱“死硬派份子”、“疯子”、“同流合污者”，我的心总算能够安静下来，随着灵魂去飞翔，去遨游，去探索。

突然想起去纽西兰时乘坐热气球的感觉。我多么希望自己也能像个热气球，在受不了人间的捆绑时，能够自由自在，毫无拘束地飞到蓝天上。等到突然想念陆地上的某个人时，我又能够随着我的个人意愿降落在欢迎我的陆地上。

台湾，我心中的第二个故乡，我又要回来了。现在我的心情可说是“归心似箭”。我的身体还在新，但灵魂已经神游了台湾好多遍了。美食、风景、人文气息、还有好多令人感动的感觉，我一一期待着。最重要的是，这将是我们两人越过重重波折后，期待已久的浪漫之旅。

孤独的失败者 (The winner takes it all)

2009-04-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

我最近好喜欢的一首歌，道出了所有失败者的心声。其实有谁在活着的一生中，从来没有失败过呢？可是失败的滋味真的好难受、好孤独。谁的目光会聚积在失败者的身上呢？在这个现实的社会中，有谁会有时间去可怜、安慰那个失败者呢？

人生的无奈、现实，让我连叹三声。

I dont wanna talk about the things we've gone through.

Though its hurting me, now its history.

Ive played all my cards and thats what you've done too.

Nothing more to say, no more ace to play.

The winner takes it all. The loser standing small.

Beside the victory, thats her destiny

I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there

I figured it made sense, building me a fence

Building me a home, thinking I'd be strong there

But I was a fool, playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice. Their minds as cold as ice.

And someone way down here loses someone dear

The winner takes it all. The loser has to fall.

Its simple and its plain. Why should I complain?

But tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you?

Does it feel the same when she calls your name?

Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you

But what can I say? Rules must be obeyed.

The judges will decide the likes of me abide

Spectators of the show always staying low

The game is on again, a lover or a friend

A big thing or a small, the winner takes it all

I dont wanna talk cause it makes me feel sad

And I understand you've come to shake my hand

I apologize if it makes you feel bad

Seeing me so tense no self-confidence

But you see the winner takes it all The winner takes it all......

快乐是免费的？

2009-04-27T05:17:00.000-07:00

最近在一个博客上看到了这句话，真的好喜欢这句话，因这句话就是我心里所渴望达到的境界。这句话让我想起了河内那些山区的儿童，才惊觉只有对于儿童来说，快乐是免费的，不需苦苦追求就能够得到了。

我是个极为贪心、心中充满各种欲望、渴望的人，所以并不是个容易感到快乐的人，虽然实际上来说，我还是算幸福的。小时候无法得到的爱，现在已经从天父以及C的身上得到了。小时候无法满足的物欲，现在已经靠自己的薪金渐渐满足了，虽然我还想利用金钱满足更多的物欲，尤其是饮食上的欲望。我也想做个自由自在的旅者，不必被工作捆绑。这样，我才能够真正感到快乐？是这样的吗？

我现在是活在矛盾的幸福中。三年后，我们即将过着很多城市人所渴望的生活方式，不过我也同时失去了我所渴望的自由自在的旅者的生活。我多么渴望在经济上，我们能够尽快达到经济独立的境界，并在十年内还清所有的贷款。我还有好多梦想要去追求啊！

不过，最重要的是，拥有了这笔钱后，我要把快乐带给世界上所有不幸的人。虽然说快乐是免费的，不过许多人还是需要别人的帮助，才能够找到快乐的。当我有能力在不需工作的情况下，还能够把快乐带给别人时，那才是我这一生中最完美的幸福了。

Facebook vs blogging

2009-04-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

It had been a while since I blog about anything. It seems that facebook has become another channel for me to release my emotions, vent out my frustrations & complain about all sorts of stuff. But nevertheless, blogging is still the only channel that allows me to organize my thoughts & think more deeply.

I do miss blogging, but I foresee that for the rest of this year, I will be very busy & tired, & would not have the energy & mood to write something which is of depth.

Dance, musical, stage-dramas, marriage, housing, all of these have become a passion & a part of my life right now. Next year, I will experience another kind of marriage life. 3 years later, I will need to adapt to yet another kind of lifestyle, but I feel I will definitely love it.

But no matter what, the travel lust in me will not be suppressed, & I will still go on numerous journey with the least resources available.

I miss many many places, & I will embark on another journey again, whilst still enjoying the kind of lifestyle I want in Singapore.

无题

2009-03-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

最近发生了好多事，
生活可说是过得太精彩了。

这些事情当中，有让人觉得非常感动、兴奋的，
也有让人觉得无可奈何、不知所措的。
太多的是是非非、心痛失望，
唯有名词、动词才能在无人看懂的情况下抒发内心的感受。

结婚、看房、买房。
舞蹈、感动、热忱。

欺骗、失信、背叛、争执、混乱。
离开、留下、立场、舍不得。
朋友、友谊、过客、知己、泛泛之交

追求卓越、疲惫、无奈牺牲、能者多劳、病痛连连。
压力、堆积如山的工作、生活素质、生命的意义。

有时候，我会觉得生命其实就是那么简单的一回事，
何必去追求那么多，在意那么多呢？
当一切都过去了后，连记忆都不能够残留在任何的地方啊！
我XXX从此消失在这个叫做地球的地方，烟消云散。

如果我的生命中没有了神，没有了天堂的向往，
我真的不知该怎么活下去了呢。
此时此刻，我突然回想起纽西兰空旷无人的海岸线。
我现在好想回归大自然，和最心爱的亲人和朋友。

我生命中的贾思乐

2009-03-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

很多人都说戏如人生，人生如戏。我倒觉得戏可以如人生，但是人生就很难像戏里那样，能够遇到你想遇到的人，一切都能够有完美的结局。

现实生活中的人类，有多少个能够毫无惧怕地表露自己的赤子之心，并且得到周围的人的青睐呢？

现实生活中的女孩，都渴望着能够遇到生命中的唐门。但是很多时候，却落得像江蜜一样，捧着一颗凋零的心，继续不断地付出，继续不断地受伤害。

很多时候，生命中的唐门是不会出现的，而贾思乐的出现也不是一件容易的事。因此，我很庆幸，等了29年之后，我生命中的贾思乐终于出现了。当然现实中的贾思乐的条件肯定不会那么好。可是只要他的眼中只有我，他会为我做任何事，我也能够过得幸福，我对他的爱也能够慢慢地累积，一点一滴地累积。

在踏上婚姻这条道路之前，我已经下定决心要学会付出，学会去爱，学会将心比心。我们大家都要过得幸福，不然人生这条道路就要白走一回了。

（我没事了，与所有阅读我博客的朋友共勉之。）

她的爱

2009-02-27T16:51:00.000-08:00

最近，她一直在思考，
她的爱变得那么少，那么理性，
是不是因为一切在上一段感情中已经殆尽。

最近，她一直在思考，
是不是在自由了这么多年后，
她已经不知怎么把自己的心收回，
停留在一个充满爱的海港。

他们在一起这么多年后，
终于要像所有的痴男怨女一样，
走上婚姻这条道路，
但她从来没有想过他们会走到这一步。

最近，她一直在思考，
是不是她对他的爱不够深，
才会常常用物质与金钱来衡量他们之间的差距。

最近，她一直在思考，
是不是她对他的爱不够深，
才会常常用兴趣来衡量他们之间的差距。

最近，她一直在思考，
是不是她对他的爱不够深，
才会常常用体力来衡量他们之间的差距。

最近，她好像变得越来越自私，
也越来越少从神那儿畅饮爱的泉水。
她也好想抓住自己的心，
保护自己的心思意念。
可是周围的诱惑总是这么多，这么近。

她对自己的爱，感觉越来越迷惑。

宝岛一村 - 关于战争、政治、颠沛流离、别离、重逢

2009-02-08T17:46:00.000-08:00

昨天下午去看了赖声川的这部舞台剧。这是我这么多年来第一次看他导演的舞台剧，虽然久闻其大名，但一直找不到知音一起去观看他导演的戏。

这是一个大时代的故事。关于那个时代，要说的何其多，要埋怨的何其多，一辈子都说不完。我不是台湾人，也不是中国人，我只是一个新加坡的华人，一个海外华侨的后代。但对于那时的那段历史，我却很有兴趣，我却感同身受。也许是因为受了父亲的影响，也许是因为我是个“华文工作者”。我血液里流的是台湾情意结，同时也流着中国情意结。这是多么复杂的情感啊！台湾与中国的之间复杂的政治关系，台湾人与中国人之间复杂的情感，并不是我能够左右与控制的。我是根据我感性的情感去喜欢这两个地方的。

但我觉得一旦走出来了，就再也回不去了，个人的情况是这样，国家的情况也是。当初大家都好想回去自己的家乡，但不知不觉，随着时间的流逝，大家也都无可奈何的在这个新的地方落地生根了，回去只会徒增悲伤。

中场之前的生活情景，看了后让我哭笑不得。中场之后重逢的情景，看了后让我一把鼻涕一把眼泪。年轻时好喜欢的余光中的诗《乡愁》，突然在我脑海中出现。这首诗所要表达的情感，就这样真真实实地在我面前上演着。

当你吃完早饭离开时，只不过是个二十多岁的小伙子。但是当你再回来吃晚饭时，已经是过了五十年，而我的人生就快要过完了。你回来干什么呢？我们再也回不去过去的生活了。我回来只是想再看你一眼，看你这些年来过得怎样，那我的人生就再也没有遗憾了。

人生就是这么一回事，大时代的局势并不是小市民能够掌控的。小市民只能随波逐流，过着颠沛流离的生活。有谁不想过着和平安定的生活呢？

在此，以余光中的这首诗献给所有的台湾人与中国人。不管大家的政治立场如何，大家都曾经怀着同样的乡愁。。。。。。

小时侯
乡愁是一枚小小的邮票
我在这头
母亲在那头

长大后
乡愁是一张窄窄的船票
我在这头
新娘在那头

后来啊
乡愁是一方矮矮的坟墓
我在外头
母亲在里头

而现在
乡愁是一湾浅浅的海峡
我在这头
大陆在那头

年初一意外的惊喜（A surprise on the 1st day of CNY）

2009-02-02T07:26:00.000-08:00

今年的农历新年在不知不觉中已经过了八天了。这八天过得很充实，很精彩，所以拖到现在才写了好几篇博客。

虽然说年年难过年年过，而随着年龄的增长，对年的感觉也没那么浓烈了，可是童年岁月对年的感觉与回忆还是静悄悄地在我的血液中流淌着。

年除夕那天，我在C的家吃了一些东西，然后又到“福满楼”与家人吃团圆饭。饭后，我只想在家中观看台湾电视台的跨年晚会，平静地迎接新的一年的到来。那晚，我尝试“守岁”，可是却在一点之前，在观看跨年晚会的过程中不知不觉睡着了。

年初一大清早，当大众还在睡梦中时，SW却已经约了我十点半在新达城观看免费的电影。如今喜欢清静的我，看着冷清的街道与紧闭的商店，我的心里面有着莫名的平静与平安。此时此刻，我终于看到了拥挤的新加坡宁静的一面。

我们在开场前的5分钟买了票后，便走入电影院。我们意外地发现，电影院里除了我们之外，只有另一名观众。空荡荡的电影院只坐了我们三人。

这个月我在电影院看了好多电影，破了我的个人记录，因我是个甚少去电影院看电影的人。其中有"YES MAN", 赤壁下，叶问。因此“CHANGELING”是这个月的第四部电影了。最近的电影有越来越多是真人真事改编的，而这便是其中一部。

这部戏虽然有些悲伤、有些沉重、有点令人愤愤不平，但因为是农历新年的关系，喜悦的情绪与悲痛的情绪掺杂在一起，使我的心情也取得了平衡点。

今年的年初一过得有点不同，有点意外，有点惊喜，因为这部片子的关系，因为农历新年的关系。

生活与生存

2009-02-02T05:57:00.000-08:00

新年期间，看了华艺节呈现的第一出舞台剧。好久没有看舞台剧了，都忘了一生中是否看过超过五部舞台剧。不过看了这部舞台剧后，可以确认的一点是，我还是比较喜欢看音乐剧。舞台剧和现实生活太接近了，看了令人好沉重。音乐剧则比较梦幻、比较欢乐，让人看了后能够暂时逃离苦闷的现实生活。

你只要看一看海报与剧名，就能猜出它要说的是什么。对了，那就是一个人会工作，到底是为了生活中的梦想，还是为了生存。对了，很多人会工作，主要还是为了生存。不过，我很庆幸我是为了生存，也是为了生活。

整部戏对我造成的心灵震撼不是很强烈，不过剧终时两位男主角的死还是让我抽搐了一阵，因为死亡永远让人沉思、震撼。

我期待着下个星期的《宝岛一村》，4月4日陈绮贞的演唱会，4月18日的《猫》，以及五月天的演唱会（若我没去美）。真的很高兴认识你们，因我不用再独自一人去观看舞台剧、音乐剧、演唱会了。我上辈子肯定不是新加坡人，下辈子也应该不想再做新加坡人，因为我不要再独自一人去观看这些文艺表演，成为一个孤独的知音人了。

Feeling perplexed

2009-02-02T04:52:00.001-08:00

This process called life, presents one with so many different opportunities & choices.
The different opportunities that one faces, & the different choices that one makes,
leads one to many different routes in life, thus living different life & meeting different people.

But we can only pass through life once, & thus there is only one road that one can takes.
When we choose to go on this path, we miss out living another kind of life, & meeting another group of friends.
But we really don't know what the future holds for us, & the sacrifices & uncertainties we have to face when we take on a certain route.

I really wish that there is a chance for me to live different kinds of life on this planet earth,
to go back to a particular time in life, to make an entirely different choice,
& thus to live another life that I have also yearns to live.

I believe that I am just too greedy, there are just too much things that I wanted out of life.
I don't want to live a life that I will regret & one that I feel wasted.

I have decided to stay on in Singapore, to stay on in this school, to continue to build strong friendship with fellow brothers & sisters, my colleagues & friends, to contribute more as a sub-leader.

What will we miss out in USA, I really don't know. I will continue to wonder, to contemplate.
But I believe even in this mundane everyday life, god will continue to open new doors to me,
to bring new people & opportunities into my life, to continue to guide me to lead a meaningful life.

I just pray right now that they will let me go, & we will end this "saga" in a peaceful way. It will just be another espisode in my rather monotonous working life.

他對你的好 - 張小嫻

2009-01-20T19:23:00.000-08:00

一個受了情傷的女孩說：

「你可以愛他，愛他的英俊，愛他的聰明，但請不要愛上他對你的好。在他善良、體貼下面，你摸不到他內心隱藏的幽暗的空洞。即便真是遇見了一個，他的好，也是屬於他的東西，隨時可以收回，可以作廢，隨時可以贈予下一個人。」

他對你的好，也是值得愛的，甚至是最值得愛的。

英俊和聰明是與生俱來的，幾乎不需要付出，也不需要努力。但是，他對你的好，是要付出，要努力，甚至是要犧牲的。

誰的內心沒有一個隱藏的幽暗的空洞？我們都是孤獨的野狼，習慣了形單影隻流浪荒嶺，一天夜裡，抬首仰望天空，竟愛上了其中一顆星星。它照亮了我心中幽暗的部分，它溫柔了我冷酷的雙眼，使我放下長久以來的戒備，使我想到終結我孤單卻安全的旅程，使我突然很想對另一個人好，也使我猝然了悟，愛情就是想對一個人好，誠惶誠恐地把我對他的萬縷柔情雙手奉上，希望他笑納。

只有當我如此愛著一個人的時候，才會想要對他好，也才懂得對他好，所做的一切，全是為他而做，只想他快樂。

也許，我終究做得不好，明明想他快樂，卻讓他傷心，但我是如此痴心地想對他好。

愛一個男人，可以愛他的英俊，愛他的聰明，但請不要只愛這些。他的聰明，他的容貌，他的個性，他的錢，他的事業，都是屬於他的，只有他對你的好，才是他對你的情意。

是這份情意，讓你在他的人生中有了一席之地。

是他對你的好，使他變得獨一無二，也使你變得獨一無二。

也許他不英俊，他也不是世上最聰明的人，但他是對你最好的人，那才值得珍惜。

情逝的那天，他對你的好可以收回，但不能作廢，因為你擁有過，也將永為你所有。

他贈予下一個人的，是另一種好。

他對下一個人有多好，你不必去想像。當一個人活的日子夠長，也就會明白，這一生，我們愛的也許不只一個人，但我們對得最好的，卻只能夠是其中一個，從今以後，再也不可能對另一個人那麼無可救藥地好了。

為什麼？因為，愛是很累的。後來的後來，我只想別人對我好。

（一针见血，道出女人在寻找伴侣的过程中所感受到的一切。我现在也只想要别人对我好，因为爱人是很累的一件事。你已经找到那个对你好的人了吗？人生稍纵即逝，一个人所拥有的条件真的这么重要吗？亦或是他对你的好才是最重要的。期望我爱的朋友能够找到一个真正爱你，为你付出的人。）

Detachment

2009-01-09T19:16:00.000-08:00

It is the 2nd week of work, but somehow, I have not find myself settling in yet.
I guess its because I do not want to settle in, I just want to feel detach from the whole place, the whole environment.
The uncertainty of leaving or staying hangs in the air, but somehow everyone knows that my heart is not here anymore.
Nobody can make me stay, nobody can make me chase the things that majority of the crowd are chasing, nobody can get to the bottom of my heart.

What is the purpose of getting a recognition through evaluation? I do not care, I do not bother, I do not feel anything, because you are not my employer. M is my true employer.
Can you tell me what is the purpose of competing with those who are your brothers & sisters afterall, since we are all under the employment of M.
I hate it, I hate all talk, & little action & all lies. All are BS afterall.

But my heart goes out to all the peers who have been working alongside me, laughing & crying with each other, encouraging & helping each other through my 4 years here. All of you are my biggest blessing when I transferred over here 4 years ago.
So although my heart is detached from this place, it will always be with all of you, no matter which end of the world I goes to.

纽西兰之旅2008 - 第七天 - TEKAPO的MT.JOHN行山之旅

2009-01-04T17:42:00.000-08:00

这天，我们沿着TEKAPO湖畔，准备去征服MT JOHN这座崇山峻岭。

这是上山途中所鸟瞰的美丽景色。

我们快抵达山顶了，心中的感动可说是难以言喻。

这是抵达山顶后，FRASER GUNN所为我们拍的第一张照片。他的摄影技术真不赖。后来，我们才得知原来他是个摄影师兼星空研究人员兼咖啡座老板。我还买了他的摄影专辑，并和他合照。

我们在ASTRO CAFE里一边享用美味的热可可，一边欣赏落地窗外的景色。

吃了丰盛的BRUNCH后，我们就到CAFE外不停地拍照。我们坐在石椅上一边聊天，一边把整个灵魂体都沉浸在这美丽无比的大自然里头。

下山之前，我望见了远处的LAKE ALEXANDRA。若有时间的话，我会再往下走，去感受一下人烟稀少、寂静无比的湖畔是什么样的感觉。

在下山的途中，我被这片森林所吸引住了，忍不住又拍了几张照片。

在走回去TAILOR-MADE BACKPACKERS的途中，我们无意中闯入了YHA BACKPACKERS，并在那里逗留了一会儿，玩玩吉他，唱唱歌，看看窗外的景色，欣赏宿舍里的装璜。

这晚，我们吃了旅途中最丰盛的一顿晚餐，因在CHRISTCHURCH时，有人介绍了KOHAN这间餐馆给我们。这里的SALMON是最新鲜的，因为附近就有一个SALMON养鱼场。我们又很巧地遇到一位正在打工的台湾女生。她介绍了好多道菜给我们，还免费为我们添加绿茶，给我们特大圈的冰淇淋。我们点了SALMON SASHIMI, SALMON DONBURI, BLUE COD TEMPURA, ROASTED VENISON MEAT 和三大圈的HOME-MADE ICE-CREAM。我们兴奋地一直吃，竟忘了拍照。哈哈。

我们吃得实在太饱了，所以当夜幕渐渐低垂时，我们便沿着一条小河道一边散步，一边在微风中哼着动听的歌曲。美丽的丁香花一路伴随着我们。

迷恋宫崎骏的Manga(1)

2008-12-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

Howl's Moving Castle（霍尔的移动城堡）

城堡的门能够通往不同的世界。

被霍尔拯救的苏菲亚。

霍尔也有脆弱的一面。被下了诅咒的苏菲亚陪在其身边。

霍尔：“我终于找到了可以保护的人，也找回了我的一颗心，学会怎么去爱人了。”

Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test

2008-12-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

Intrapersonal

14% Logical, 14% Spatial, 45% Linguistic, 61% Intrapersonal, 14% Interpersonal, 29% Musical, 2% Bodily-Kinesthetic and 45% Naturalistic!

"This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this intelligence are typically introverts and prefer to work alone. They are usually highly self-aware and capable of understanding their own emotions, goals and motivations. They often have an affinity for thought-based pursuits such as philosophy. They learn best when allowed to concentrate on the subject by themselves. There is often a high level of perfectionism associated with this intelligence.

Careers which suit those with this intelligence include philosophers, psychologists, theologians, writers and scientists." (Wikipedia)

纽西兰之旅2008 - 第六天 - 美丽的湖畔小镇TEKAPO

2008-12-22T17:10:00.000-08:00

我们坐在湖畔吃午餐，并观赏美丽的湖景。这里真是不受尘世污染的人间仙境。夏天日长夜短，我们也忘了时间的流逝，在湖边戏水、玩乐、聊天，也用相机留下了永恒的美好回忆。

这里的民宿与房子与花园都好漂亮，仿佛是从童话故事中走出来似的。

花儿也肆无忌惮地展示其妩媚，让游客把心儿都留在这里了。

蓝天中的白云也和地上的花儿争宠，吸引游客的注意，夺取游客的那颗心。

不知何时还能重游此地的游人在这儿留下了美丽的倩影。

这里的夜空也是全世界最美丽的夜空，因为这里没受到光害，地理位置也让其夜空布满了各种不同的星星。星星闪耀的夜空，正要被申请为世界天空自然遗产。FRASER GUNN照片中的夜空，就是我们当晚在HOSTEL外看到的夜空。可是因为天气太冷，我们看了一会儿后就回屋里了。

The most cozy BBH hostel in NZ（最温暖舒适的宿舍）

2008-12-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

第六天，我们到达了美丽的提卡波(TEKAPO)湖。这是个令人忘记时间的地方。若有时间在这儿打工的话，应该会是毕生难忘的经验。在这儿，我们选择入住"TAILOR-MADE-TEKAPO BACKPACKERS"，其名字就先让我立刻留下深刻的印象。这件宿舍可说是老板亲手建起来的，而这位“怪老头”老板就住在宿舍对面的一间屋子里。他对这地方充满了感情，因此才会想要经营这间宿舍。宿舍周围种了好多丁香花和其他野花，阵阵凉风吹过来时，也带来了阵阵的香气。小鸟在松树上唱着动听的歌曲。歌声伴随着阵阵的花香，怎能不叫人心醉呢？

我们选择了一间双人房，而房间就设在一间小屋里。屋子的如厕与沐浴设备非常干净，洗脸盆与马桶还发出闪闪的亮光呢。我们真的好喜欢这个地方，因为这里人不多，让我们拥有私人的空间，同时也让我们感觉既温暖又温馨。在旅途中的这么多天，我们第一次在这里睡了香甜的午觉。当我睡醒后，我就坐在窗旁写了一张明信片，寄给在新加坡的自己。

厨房里的设备既齐全又干净，还有好多免费的酱料与食物共享用。我们在这里放慢了脚步，只想赖在沙发上听音乐与看书，可说是享尽了“慢活”的滋味。

宿舍周围的景色也非常广阔、优美。这里的房子超大、超美，也都有好大的花园。宿舍对面的一间大房子就传出了"MAMA MIA" 专辑的美妙音乐。我们也看到了小朋友无忧无虑地在嬉戏、跳舞，爸爸在花园里浇花、除草，狗儿在广阔的草地上奔跑。这里是人间仙境吗？

现在，我真的渐渐明白什么才叫生活。我们的生活几时才能够慢下来呢？我几时才能够放得下一年五位数的年薪，去追逐我想要的生活呢？

纽西兰之旅2008-第五天-精彩的热气球之旅

2008-12-11T06:54:00.000-08:00

那不是DHL的热气球，是真的会飞的热气球哦

这天早上，我们3.30AM就起身了。我们蹑手蹑脚地刷牙洗脸，深怕吵醒同房的背包客。结果，我们还是被一名“无理取闹”的MONSTER背包客责骂。后来我们得知她是因为订不到单人房，必需委屈自己和我们同房，才会变得有点心里不平衡。幸好当天晚上，她就搬走了。

当我们4.30AM到达集合地点时，我们好紧张，因为无法拨通确定行程的电话号码，而周围也超静，一个人影也没有。最后，车子终于在5.00AM的时候来接我们，足足迟了20分钟，还我们白紧张一场，还花了3-4元的电话费。

车子驶出了市区后，就进入了一望无际的平原。天刚开始蒙蒙亮，刺骨的寒风穿过了紧闭的窗户，加上半梦半醒的精神状态，我仿佛走入了一个梦幻的天地之间，而我们正奔向梦幻之旅。

我们行驶了大约1.5小时之后，就到达了乘坐热气球的地点。那真是个广阔无边，好壮观的平原，不过也冷得让人发抖。我们又花了约半小时的时间，使热气球膨胀起来，然后才坐进篮子里。热气球就随着热空气与冷空气的交替，徐徐升上天空。我们也不知不觉地升上天空，离地面越来越远，越来越远，景物也越变越小，越变越小。我也像飞机一样，”飞“上了蓝天，隐藏在白云之中了。鸟瞰四周的景色，都是一片一片的田地，一只一只好像蚂蚁的牛羊，一间一间好像玩具的屋子。原来世界可以是这么地大，人类可以是这么地渺小，随时可以在广大的天地之间消失得无影无踪。所以这世界上还有什么东西好争的呢？

我们在蓝天白云之间漂浮了大概一小时，掠过了一棵高大的树的树梢，和一辆车子的一家人打了招呼之后，驾驶员就要找一个地方降落了。那就是某个农民的农场。我们降落后，就一起帮忙收起热气球。过后，我们就一起举香槟酒干杯，并朗诵一首爱尔兰的PRAYER，向上帝致谢。

我们回到市区后，只不过是早上10点多，还有漫长的一天让我们去享受呢！因为肚子饿得发慌，我们就立刻去寻找经济实惠的午餐吃。这次我们竟然寻找到更便宜的日本餐，只需要$7，就可享用正餐与无限量供应的MISO，沙拉和饭。

早起的我虽然感到疲惫不堪，但玩性还是不减。我们逛了一会儿后，就搭乘28号巴士去乘坐CHRISTCHURCH GONDOLA上山顶鸟瞰市景与周围的湖景。这个被大自然眷恋的地方，周围都是美丽的湖泊与高山，其美景真的是非笔墨所能形容。

我们下山后，就到教堂去听小朋友唱诗。疲惫的我竟然连站着的时候都在打瞌睡，所以过了不久就离开了。过后，我们在AVON河畔看到了精彩的表演，因此就停下了脚步，聆听美妙的音乐与欣赏美丽的河边景色。夜幕渐渐低垂，难忘漫长的一天就这样过了。

纽西兰之旅2008-第四天-飞往南岛城市基督城

2008-12-10T22:23:00.000-08:00

基督城-第一个让我想居住下来的NZ城市

今天早上，B送我们到机场去，我们就要开始我们两人的南岛之旅。内陆班机好随便啊，11点的班机11才上机。到达CHRISTCHURCH之后，我们就搭乘CITY BUS去市中心。我们开始了没有车子接送，自己寻找目的地的旅程。

我们住在FRIENDZ.COM BACKPACKERS的一间粉红色四人房，房间有厕所。我注意到正在打扫的女生好年轻，无意中便和他聊了起来。EUNICE, 马来西亚人，持WORKING HOLIDAY签证。原来他正在这里换宿，每天只需工作两小时，就可换取免费的住宿。

这间宿舍的好处是能够免费上网。我们便一边上网，一边等EUNICE，然后和他一起去吃午餐。大概下午2点多，我们便到一间经济实惠的日本餐馆用膳。我们每人只需花$10，就可吃到一碗拉面或饭，外加无限量供应的SALAD, MISO和饭。我们也在那儿碰到另一位持WORKING HOLIDAY签证的台湾男生，并和他聊了起来。

NZ这里有好多持WORKING HOLIDAY签证的马国和台湾人哦。这里也有好多日本人和韩国人在这儿定居和经营餐馆。能够在这个地方遇到这么多亚洲人，让我真实地感觉到这世界已经变成一个大村子，里面住着各种族的人。

我们吃了午餐后，E就带我们去一间超便宜的纪念品商店买东西。我们在那儿逛了好久，而我也买了一件夹克，两个绒毛帽和十二支笔。过后，E也带我们去LIBRARY参观，还拿了几张免费的明信片。E还带我们去一家韩国超市买了较便宜的蜜糖与ROYAL JELLY。我们把所要买的纪念品都差不多买齐了后，才发现已经是晚上9点了。可是天还是那么明亮。夏天日长夜短，真是旅游的好季节。

这天晚上，我们吃了1元的韩式炸酱面，非常廉价美味，超经济实惠的一餐哦！今晚好兴奋哦，因为隔天就要去坐热气球了。

吃了晚餐后，天才暗了下来。我们步行到广场上，准备观看教堂的夜景。在金光闪闪的橱窗名牌包包摆设中，我们步入了基督城的梦境中。

纽西兰之旅2008-第一、二、三天

2008-12-10T20:51:00.000-08:00

这一次，我们两是带着复杂的心情前往纽西兰的，因为最后一分钟有些变数。不过因着上帝的带领与保守，我们沿途都遇到了好多意外的人，以外的惊喜，为这次的旅程划下了美丽的句点。四年后再次和这个地方重逢，我心里有着既熟悉又陌生的感觉。这地方美丽的风景、高质量的生活素质、缓慢的生活步伐，让我对着地方的爱越来越浓，越来越难以割舍。未来的某年某月的某一天，我一定要和C一起驾着CARAVAN，花一年的时间，再次和它共赴一段浪漫的约会。

关于奥克兰

刚抵达的前两天，奥克兰正下着蒙蒙细雨，非常扫兴，导致我们并没有立刻爱上这个地方。旅途的第一天是在飞机上度过的。我们在凌晨12点才抵达奥克兰机场，耗了大概45分钟才出境。因为有朋友来接我们，我们很快就到达旅舍，为疲惫的身躯找到了休息的地方。

第二天早上还在下着蒙蒙细雨，所以温度有点低，一点夏天的感觉都没有。我们睡到自然醒，穿上不属于夏天的衣服，等待B来接我们去吃午餐。我们在食阁吃了丰盛的越南餐后，就前往奥克兰博物馆参观。其实跟南部的其他博物馆相比，奥博并没有什么特别，不过因为四年前来过，所以勾起了我的某些记忆。

我们参观了博物馆后，就到市区去逛一逛，买了些东西。因为户外下着雨，我也看不清楚地图，所以我们绕了好长的一条路才回到旅舍。

晚上，J请我们到“天翔”去吃东北菜。这一餐应该是我们在NZ吃得最丰盛饱足的一餐。我们点了好几样菜，有郁香茄子、东坡肉、小鸡焖菇、凉粉和酸辣汤。这里的食物分量都很多，是新的两倍，吃得我们肚子鼓鼓的。过后，我们还去“葫芦猫”喝饮料和玩牌。我点了芋香奶茶+鸡蛋布丁（好特别哦）。

第三天早上，我们开始了寻找粮食的大战。一整个早上，我们就在FOODTOWN超市闲逛，认识这里所售卖的各种水果、饮料、干粮、肉类等等。我们买了好多奇异果、草莓、樱桃番茄等，准备来个水果野餐。
B来接我们后，我们就前往MISSION BAY海边。在那里，我们吃了美味的MOVENPICK雪糕（有点贵），并在海边野餐、吹海风、赏海景。

过后，我们就前往旅客必定会去的地方-SKYLINE TOWER。我们上到最顶层后，就在那儿鸟瞰市景、拍照、消耗时间。
在市区闲逛时，我们也看到了好漂亮的圣诞节橱窗装饰。我开始感受到圣诞的气氛了。
其实今天的焦点就是晚上去观看PHANTOM OF THE OPERA。我们在充满古典味的剧院与盛装出席的AUCKLAND民众之中迷失了自己。我的心深深被感动了，在这里观看音乐剧的感觉超棒。我已经不记得过去在新观看《剧院魅影》的感觉了，那时的记忆已经完全没这次的感受所取代了。

生存以上，生活以下-五月天

2008-12-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

连刷牙也照著节奏
冲了马桶洗了脸上的疲倦泡沫
没有梦昨夜没有梦
镜子里的陌生人已经不再做梦

上课钟变成打卡钟
单行道般的人生流失在车阵中
进行曲规律的平庸
活的像是一句标语压韵而服从

午餐是随便还是都好
还是跟你一样的任何一种
奇怪呢很久以前
我是很有想法主见心跳很执著
伤心再也不吹风现在只害怕伤风
耽误了谁和谁的要求

Chorus: (一天一天看日升日落看月圆月缺
年复一年的经过看谁把我变成现在的我
怕潮起潮落怕患得患失错了又错的疼痛
终于我的生命只剩生存
活著只会呼吸吃饭喝水的生活)

小时候只要看天空
枕著白云就觉得全世界都拥有
长大了拥有的更多
为何感觉到越来越匮乏越贫穷

那一年只追逐自由
现在只能追逐著涨不停的石油
是不是地壳又震动
要从家里震落才悔恨这样生活

生活的反面会是死去
还是这般生存不再有冲动
闭上眼就能感觉
生命正在一分一秒飞奔远离我
还不如一只昆虫至少能破茧展翅
飞向那被夺走的天空

一年有三百六十五个日子
五十二万五千多分钟
一生有三十四亿五千六百
七十八万九千下脉搏
为爱而生之后生命要怎么挥霍
直到我化成烟的时候

连刷牙也照著节奏
然后设定了明天六点半的闹钟

(My favourite song from Maydays' new album because of the lyrics. 我希望我能够活在生活以上，不只是在生存罢了。）

2nd fllight on SQ

2008-12-09T15:36:00.000-08:00

I got to take SQ for the 2nd time in my life after so many years of taking budget airline. It was quite an entertaining experience as I got to watch 8 movies for the flight to & fro. Although it was a 10 hours flight, time just slipped past unknowingly as I was totally engrossed in the movie, transporting myself to another world although my physical self was stuck in that little cabin in the air.

I was particularly entertained by 2 musical movies "Mama Mia" & "Hairspray". The songs of ABBA in "Mama Mia" are really undying legend which will continue to be sung by many in the infinite future. The groovy retro songs featured in "Hairspray" also brought me back to Baltimore in the good old days whereby rock & roll rules.

But for the flight back to Singapore, I watch another 2 korean movies which are of very different theme from the 2 entertaining musicals above. They are about love & freedom amidst war upheaval & political reality. The 1st movie was "Crossing". It depicts the reality of life in the enclosed country North Korea, whereby lies, leader idolatry, propaganda has brought hardship & suffering to the innocent civilians in the whole country. It was a really heavy-laden movie & I cried non-stop from the moment Yong-soo's wife died to the end whereby his son died too. But it was a relief for those who died as they had gone to heaven, a place better than NK - hell on earth.
The 2nd movie was "Sunny". It was apparently quite a new movie although I have not heard about it before. The lead actress won quite a few awards in korea for her role as "Sunny" in the movie. This movie is about a young wife who joins a band so as to go to vietnam to look for her husband who abandons her by enlisting into the Vietnam war as he doesn't love her. She wants to show that she is capable of loving him & uses her vocal talent to join a band heading there and sings for the restless soldiers in hopes of meeting her husband while on tour. The ending was quite touching as the husband finally realizes what love is through the sacrifices the young wife made for him in order to bring him back. I sobbed during the scenes whereby the band leader realizes that money is not that important anymore & they burnt all the money they had earned through Sunny. As war came so close to you, one realizes that living & loving are what a man's life is about afterall.

Rita Angus works

2008-12-09T03:24:00.000-08:00

I just came back from NZ last evening, still having jet lag & still feeling very tired today. Just feel that although my body is back here in Singapore, my heart, mind & soul is still somewhere in NZ. As I still have not got my NZ photos from QY, I decided to write some entries based on different themes.

The last city that I travelled to was Dunedin city. This is a city that will always have a place in my heart. I visited this city 4 years ago, & as I re-visit again this year, I still find it very interesting & there are still many corners of the street that I would like to explore. There was even a stir in my heart, & the yearning to live in this city for a few years start to grow.

The last place I visited in this city was the Art Gallery. Although we only had 30 mins to view the gallery, the paintings of Rita Angus left a deep impression in my heart, & thus I decided to read up more on her after coming back to Singapore.

I love both her oil & water colour paintings & those of landscape, & nature. Thus I'm putting up some of her paintings here to share with everyone.

MOE called me today to go for an interview for posting to MINDEF USA post. I want to get away from the routineness of life here, & from many other things. But its for 2 years, & there are people whom I will miss here, & many unforseen circumstances ahead. So I really don't know whether I should pray that I will get the job or not. Father, please show me a sign......

Some Quotes

2008-11-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

During the meeting in the "sea", the critical & skeptical mind is always looking for ways to disagree with what the big fishes & small fishes say. However, one particular quote that the big ambitious fish shared with us resonant in my mind & I started to think of another phrase which is applicable to busy, working adults like us.

The original quote is "You can score A* in your exam, & still flung life".

I immediately think of another quote which applies to many of the working adults in the 21st century & that is "You can excel in your career, & still flung life".

Its very thought-provoking right. If you are working until there's no day & no night now, you should slow down a little & think about what you want in life......

Days you feel like crying

2008-11-10T05:58:00.000-08:00

Its seems like there are more & more days when you feel like crying.
You don't really feel loved since young, you don't really feel wanted when you are young.
And now that you are older, people just forced you to take the path whereby everyone will take, just wanted to force you out of the house in the name of love.
Yes, you admit that you are childish, naive, you just don't want to grow up.

If he is more stable now, you will definitely want to move out & build a family that you have always been yearning for since young.
They just don't understand, they just don't support him, they just "despise" him.
But you are just starting to love him & support him, and its really a difficult & lonely journey.

You can only pour out your woes to god, you could only cry in the stillness of the night.
Life is just full of tears, & not getting the things you always wanted in your heart.
But nevertheless, you must have faith & still believe that you will find happiness in your life.

用“心”经营的咖啡馆－随意诗人

2008-11-09T18:10:00.000-08:00

不久之前就在报上读到有关这间咖啡馆的消息，也浏览了她的博客，可是一直到昨天才踏进这间咖啡馆，只因找不到知音人一起去。馆主是位好年轻、腼腆、含蓄、可爱的小姐Rebecca，和我名字相似呢。在这间咖啡馆里，我呼吸到的是文化、艺术的氛围，我吃到的是R的妈妈亲手制作的爱心早餐，我感受到的是对于梦想的追求、执著与感动。在新加坡这么功利的国家，我第一次找到了这么一间令人深深感动的咖啡馆。

当我对生活失去热忱的时候，我会再回去那里，喝一杯属于过去回忆的ROOT BEER FLOAT，吃一口有家的味道的早餐，听一首慵懒、诗意的歌曲，读一本令人感动的好书。

谢谢你，随意诗人，让我在新加坡这个文化沙漠中，找到了一片能够让我躺卧下来仰望蓝天白云与夜空的绿洲。我的心就这样醉了......

人生以快乐为目标

2008-10-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

一个人活得越久，就越来越不清楚自己要追求的到底是什么。这几个星期，不知道为什么心情这么郁闷。在朋友面前，我还是能够开怀大笑，过得很开心。可是每当夜深人静，独自一人时，我竟然有股莫名的悲伤，因为我感觉不到我自己的心在哪里。其实连我自己都抓不住自己的心了，更何况是他呢？

人生是多么的捉摸不定，一个人的心也是多么的捉摸不透。有时候，我很清楚我要的是什么。可是有时候，我却觉得这些追求都是徒然的。为什么我们一定要为自己的人生设下目标，人生才能够活得有意义呢？为什么人活着要不断地追求呢？

那个星期天早上，我才突然惊觉我在婚姻上，在事业上，在服侍上，竟然已经走到无所求的地步了。可是这个发现也突然让我觉得好沮丧，因为我不知道我还能够向神祈求什么。

我想结婚，但我不知道我对他的爱够深吗？我对他的爱是否能够维持一辈子，一辈子都不动摇呢？这真的是我想要的吗？如果有一天，我们不再为金钱而烦恼，我们真的能够幸福快乐吗？

至于事业上，那更不用说了，因为我连一点点想要往上爬的欲望都没有。我只想快乐地做我喜欢做的事，并赚取足够的金钱，然后利用这些金钱去追求我想环游世界，想享受生活，想帮助别人的梦想。所以我想追求的，并不是我的事业能够满足的。

有人说，教会里的“政治”问题，更能够摧残一个人的心，使一个人的心残废了，再也无法点燃热忱。我应该还没走到这么沮丧的地步。不过，虽然我热爱我现在的教会，我沉浸在教会朋友的友情当中，但我的心还是在原地踏步，还没有往前走的欲望。我还不知我能够做些什么。

其实，在发泄完了我的忧郁情绪之后，我是很清楚我人生的目标是什么。人生真的很荒谬，很难以理解，很难以看透，很难以捉摸，很短暂。所以，我的人生是以快乐为目标。我要为我自己带来幸福快乐，也要为所有我深爱的人带来幸福快乐。我不要再随波逐流，和众人一起做着无谓的追求了。

2008-10-08T20:46:00.000-07:00

一棵开花的树－席慕蓉（台）

如何让你遇见我

在我最美丽的时刻　为这

我已在主前求了五百年

求主让我们结一段尘缘

主於是把我化做一棵树

长在你必经的路旁

阳光下慎重地开满了花

朵朵都是我前世的盼望

当你走近　请你细听

那颤抖的叶是我等待的热情

而当你终於无视地走过

在你身後落了一地的

朋友啊　那不是花瓣

那是我凋零的心

一棵凋零的树－杨柳树（新）

当我遇见你时，
我已经是棵凋零的树，
等待着春天的再次来到。

再次开花的一棵树，
再次重生的一颗心，
是否能够忘记遗落在人世间的许多花瓣？

其实凋零是美丽的，
记忆是美好的，
暗恋是难以遗忘的。

这颗已经凋零的树，
仿佛已经“冻结”在时间的长河中，
再也不愿意为任何人绽放美丽的花朵。

命中注定我爱你？

2008-10-08T04:05:00.000-07:00

几个星期前在网上看完这部台剧后，就一直想要写一篇感想，也一直在思考“命中注定”这句话的含义。在现实生活中，有多少人的另一半是命中注定的呢？其实一个人的一生会面对很多抉择，你做出的选择决定了你的命运。当然能够和这些人相遇可说是缘分，但我不相信有什么事是命中注定的，因为一个人是能够选择自己的的命运的。

我相信在现实生活中，只有极少数的人和另一个人是命中注定的，怎么分都分不开。我虽然不相信会有“命中注定”的另一半出现在我生命中，但我还是喜欢幻想那是什么样的情感，并偷偷渴望遇到这样的一个人。

不过，现实与虚幻本来就像天与地相隔得这么远，永远都无法联成一线。虚幻的故事就是有那么多的巧合与缘分。不管隔得多远的几个人，不管身份地位有多悬殊的几个人，编剧总会有办法把他们的生活联接在一起，串成一个个感动人心的故事。

最荒谬的开始与结合，竟然能够谱成最童话般的结局，我心里面难免感觉有些唏嘘。我自己的现实生活中，是否也会有童话般的深情与结尾呢？我是多么期待着。我的心也想感觉丰盛饱满啊！它并不需要减肥。。。。。。

Do you really believe there is destined love in this real life? Are there 2 person who are really destined for each other & no other people can replace each other? I don't really believe in this although I love to daydream about the destiny of my life & how it feel to love this person?

Sometimes, I really don't know how to reign this wondering heart of mine that lives in a made-believe world, that loves freedom too much & that loves beautiful & attractive things. But that's a challenge for him, & not for me......

Its nearly 3 years now, & if we do not enter into another stage of our life, I don't know where my heart will wonder away. But if this really happened one day, does that mean there is no true love between us & we are not each other's destiny......?

活着是为了工作吗？改变了态度，就能泯灭心里面的梦想与渴望吗？

2008-10-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

夜幕低垂，星光灿烂。美丽的夜晚，本来应该是在享用丰盛的晚餐，和家人或朋友联络感情的美好时光。可是在S城这个竞争激烈的弹丸小岛上，灯火通明的不是组屋区的万家灯火，而是商业区的高楼大厦。

那天，在报章上读到一篇有关S城人民冗长的工作时间的报道，心里面难免觉得有些悲哀。许多人起初本来无法适应这冗长的工作时间，可是久而久之，不知不觉，为了使自己快乐，唯有改变自己的想法，自己的态度，才能把自己的时间，自己的生命献给“冷酷无情”的工作。想不到没有任何“感情”的工作，竟然能够取代有血有肉有感情的亲人与朋友。

我不禁想起R曾经跟我说过的一句话，那是她搬进“冷宫”之后的领悟。她说为了使自己快乐，你必须先改变自己的态度与想法。从她的改变中，我深深领悟到“高处不胜寒”的道理。“皇宫”真的不是我们普通人能够居住的地方。若要成为皇帝或皇母娘娘宠爱的妃子，你必须不择手段，必须戴上面具，也必须付出许多不值得的代价。那又何必呢？每个人都在为这个国家做事啊！每个人都在做自己认为值得的事啊！所以我觉得我们可说是“道不同不相为谋”。

我的心里面还是有热忱，有梦想，有渴望的。我不要因为环境，因为周围的人而改变自己的态度与想法。我不要为了工作而活着，也不要活着去工作。我要为自己，为我深爱的人而活着。我要和人类建立感情，不要和工作建立无谓的感情。

After being in this profession for 9 years, I've been considering other options & opportunities recently. My passion is actually in language & literature, & I'm strongest in Mandarin, although I'm also quite proficient in written English too. Hence I've been consideiring doing both translation work & teaching Mandarin to foreigners. What better way to improve my English Language than to read & write more in English Language. Hence, for every blog entry that I write in the future, I will also write a short entry in English.

Life is not only about your work, your profession right. But living in S city, a person works on average 10 hours per day, adding to a total work week of 50-70 hours. Can work really replace those people around you whom you love? I wonder. For some people, as they can't change their job & their environment, they have to change their attitude & mindset in order for them to be happy whilst doing their job. But as time goes by, they slowly lose their goals, direction, dream & passion. I don't know whether all these are worthwhile.

As for me, I'm not very outstanding in my career, & do not want to climb up the corporate ladder. I don't crave for people's recognition & praise & doesn't bother about the emperor's opinion of me. He has too many concubines whom he can spend time with. But at least, I still have time to rest, relax, pursue my hobbies & spend quality time with my friends & family. This is the choice that I have made, & I don't regret it. As for those people making other different choices, good luck to all of them......;)

2008 Unforgettable birthday celebration

2008-09-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

I felt really blessed during my birthday this year because of the many old friends who still remembered my birthday & sent me well wishes & gift & also the many new friends who have slowly become an important part of my life & showing their appreciation through gifts & well wishes on my birthday too. I'm also really glad that I am aging gracefully, not afraid to let people know my age, & still maintaining a young heart & enjoying everyday of my life, despite the many ups & downs in my life.

I just realized that this is my 3rd birthday celebration with C already. Despite the many uncertainties in my heart, I'm glad that I'm still together with him, striving towards a common goal that both of us shared in Christ Jesus.

I had actually intended to have only a simple dinner at Fisherman's village at Pasir Ris beach as I always find it very tiring to go out on weekday night. However, I realized later that I had a discount voucher at North Border Restaurant at Rochester Park & coincidentally, I just passed by that place on 13 Sep. when I went for the talk by Wu dan ru. I had heard of this new hang-out place but do not know where it is. But now that I know it is near the Mrt Station & thus is quite accessible, I decided to have a special birthday dinner there.

This is the entrance of the Restaurant. There are a few other restaurants there which have quite good review too. I will try it again in future if C closes a big deal.

The indoor section of the restaurant was closed on Thursday evening, so we had to sit outdoor. It was a bit warm, but the ambience & decoration was great. There was jazz music playing in the background, & it adds to the atmosphere.

I decided to dress up for that day so as to make myself happy. A black dress, that I had wore for a few times, a new belt that I had never wore before, a hand-made necklace that I had wore also for a few times, & a pair of earrings that I had just received as a gift.

The food took some time to come, so I was busy taking photographs of the surrounding. That is the bar area inside.

All the restaurants at rochester park are housed in 100+ years old colonial house. Its a time for nostalgic feeling & remembering our colonial past.

The food here was a bit expensive, with all the main courses costing more than S$25. I ordered the baby back ribs which was cooked in their signature bbq sauce. It was great actually, but a bit too "strong" taste for me. But after eating their ribs, I won't eat the famous ribs at cafe cartel anymore.

C ordered the herb roasted chicken which I don't really like because I dislike breast meat. All the desserts were quite expensive too, with all of them costing more than S$10. But since I'm the birthday gal, I got a free warm bittersweet mexican chocolate torte. It was really great, with the warm chocolate flowing out from the crispy crust & melting in my mouth. The vanilla ice-cream was an added bonus too.

I had a lighted candle on my special cake to mark this special occasion.

After dinner, while I was on the way to their toilet upstairs, I passed through their special decoration along their staircase.

I was quite captivated by their beautiful toilet & so took a few photos of it. Here is one of them:

I ended off the day feeling really exhausted but extremely happy. I received so many presents that I really wanted this year. It must be god listening to the desires of my heart. I had no earrings, no black bags, no bohemian style necklace, & no alphabet necklace. But I got all of them on my birthday. Yippee......

These are the 2 black bags from cell group & SW:

This is the necklace from JX:

Lastly, these are the earrings & "bohemian" necklace from my beloved colleagues, bought by WL:
(PS(1): F will be giving me a treat on 24 Sept. ;) Its so nice that she still remembers my birthday every year. I realized that if you put your heart into managing a relationship, people will do the same to you too. I love all of you, my friends.)

(PS(2): I have so many wishes for my birthday this year, I just pray that god will really lead me to the path he has laid for me.)

多事之秋的九月，十年又一次的危机

2008-09-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

昨天，9月16日，发生的AIG危机事件，才让我发觉到其实九月这个秋季是个多事之秋。九月发生的重大历史事件包括美国的911事件，台湾的921大地震，中国的918东北事件。其实我很喜欢9月这个月份的，因为我的生日就在这个月份，而我最爱的季节也是秋天。不过，这个月份似乎和悲剧脱不了关系。

1998年发生了货币危机。因为那个危机，有人跌倒了，从此再也爬不起来。也有人自杀身亡，从此离开了这起起落落的人生。也有人在“危机”中找到了机会，从最低的谷地爬到了山顶上。

十年之后，2008年9月16日，我又从朋友口中得知了AIG可能面对破产的消息。我昨天没看新闻，也拒绝去翻阅新闻。我听到了这个消息后，第一个念头就是：这个世界是不是要灭亡了，因为连在美国FORBES杂志排行前几名的AIG都要倒闭了，那整个世界肯定会陷入混乱中。六位数的投资与保障，说不担心是骗人的。但我更悲伤的是因为这个事件，又有多少人会被逼走上绝路呢。AIG的股票从60美元跌到了1.75美元，那损失可说是无以计算。

明天就是我的生日了。我现在唯一的愿望就是有一个救星能够把AIG从危难中拯救出来，虽然这一切都是他们自己不慎理财才造成的危机。这是多么反讽的事件啊，因为规模这么大的保险公司竟然犯了保险经纪最不愿叫客户犯的错误，那就是把所有的鸡蛋都放在一个篮子里。

中秋话圆月与月饼

2008-09-15T06:40:00.001-07:00

俗语说“十五的月亮十六圆”，今天我终于目睹了这景色，就在我的睡房的窗外。这是个星期一的夜晚。我拖着疲惫的身躯回到家时，一抬头竟然看到了这“动人”的景色。我赶紧拿起了相机，利用相机的不同功能，拍下了以下的四张照片：

提起中秋节，怎么会少了月饼呢。昨天，我就在冰箱里找到了一盒SWISSOTEL的月饼，并品尝了一粒。月饼里面有酒的味道，中间还夹了一粒圆圆的东西。我吃不出是什么口味，但觉得非常好吃。今天，我在拍照时，才发现这盒月饼原来是迷你冰皮香槟巧克力月饼。我想它的价钱应该不菲，好开心能吃到免费的。

星期六那天，我也在学烹饪的地方买了一盒素的月饼。其口味是金瓜加芋头，就叫金芋月饼。月饼的盒子好美，名字也好美，所以便把它拍了下来。

《秋的浪漫》-多么诗情画意的一个名字啊。秋天本来就是属于中秋节的啊，也是属于我的，因为我就在秋天出世。我的血液里将永远流着秋天凄美与浪漫的情怀。而我也正期待着有朝一日，我能够放下我的工作，去和秋天赴一场毕生难忘的约会。

一场孤独的文学盛宴

2008-09-15T06:40:00.000-07:00

星期六早上，我自己一个人报名参加了以上的这个活动，只为了听一听我的偶像作家吴淡如的短短一席之谈。原来我对于有兴趣的东西可以那么富有热忱，即使要起得早，即使要一个人千里迢迢地去“赴约”。

吴淡如的每一本书，我差不多都读完了。可是我真正喜欢上她的书是从读了她的《昨日历历，晴天悠悠》之后。那本书是写给她那因为感情问题而自杀身亡的弟弟。他的弟弟是个很聪明的孩子，生前也热爱摄影，热爱艺术，热爱生活。那本书就收集了他的弟弟生前所拍的精美照片。他的弟弟的事件完全改变了她的写作路线。她后来写的书都是跟生活有关，而书中也收录了很多精美的照片。我最喜欢的其中一本书就是《跟我到天涯海角》。她真的在写作中渐渐地成长了。而我也在写作中渐渐成长，渐渐找到了自我，渐渐重拾了自信心。

在分享会中，我又再一次与村上春树与张爱玲等作家“重逢”，也看到了在新加坡这个移民社会，有许多文笔深厚的青年作家正等着崭露头角。

在这场分享会中，我也认识了连士升这个人，也免费获得了以上这本书。很容易阅读的一本励志书，我在当天的路程中就快把它读完了。

在忙碌的教书生涯中，我也渴望拥有一片心灵的净土，让我可以躺卧在上面，仰望着浪天白云，倾听着微风从耳边掠过，呼吸着清新的空气。

我的学习之旅，他们的学习之旅

2008-09-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

我今天又发脾气，生气，歇斯底里地骂人了。而他们会表现出这样的行为，也只不过是在宣泄、乘机发疯、疏解他们的压力。老实说，我也不是真的生他们的气。我跟他们一样，也是这个制度的受害者之一，只能够随波逐流。所有的压力都是从上而下的，而最大的受害者就是他们了。

其实生命中的种种考试，都会随着时间的流逝而变得一点都不重要了。有多少人，有多少雇主现在还会在意你的PSLE 成绩呢？可是这次的考试对今天的他们来说却犹如生死的抉择似的，只许成功，不许失败，因为失败就犹如死亡，再也无法翻身了。可是失败的意味真的是这样吗？你今天成功了，进入了好中学，就代表你一辈子都会成功、幸福快乐吗？你今天失败了，进入了邻里中学，就代表你再也无法好好学习，考取最终的那张文凭吗？不是的，不是的。

这一年的他们根本无法享受学习的过程，而我也无法享受传授知识的过程。这种不断填鸭的方式，不断“进补”的方式，我觉得只会弄巧反拙，造成物极必反的效果。一个人吃太多的补品也会生病啊！人生中要学的功课还多着呢！你们到底学会了吗？

他们今天的学习方式与学习压力，让我不断回想起我的学习生涯与学习成绩。我一直是个聪明的学生，所以非常享受我的学习生涯，因为没有老师逼迫我每天做两、三分试卷，每天下课后继续补课到五、六点，而回家后还要去上课外补习班。我的学习生涯中从来都不曾、也不需要有人帮我补习。

在小六会考中，我本来信心满满，以为我肯定能够进入特选中学，所以我就随便填了TKGS为我的第一志愿中学，因为我相信我还有多一个选择的机会。结果不出我所料，我考获了两个A*和两个A。可是，我的总分才240，不但进不了特选班，连TKGS也进不了。我被MOE分配去我的第二志愿中学TKSS。那也是我随便选择的学校，所以我还觉得蛮惊慌的。最后，我妈决定把我转去AHS的快捷班。那是我做的最明智的选择。如果让我再选择的话，我还是会选择特选中学，而不是其他的“英校”。其实我觉得我的程度还是在那里的，因为在第二年，我就从快捷班升上特选班。这一次，我又决定转校了，因为我哥哥都在DHS。那也是我做出的另一个明智的选择。

接下来的O水准和A水准考试，我就再也没出差错了。而每一次的好成绩都是在没有压力以及非常享受的过程中得来的。我甚至有这个能力选择我想读的科目，不想读的科目。

其实我的生命中充满了很多选择，而不同的选择则把我引领到不同的道路上。只可惜人生不能从来，要不然我好想知道若我做出不同的选择的话，我将会遇到什么人，什么事，最终还会活出怎样的人生呢？

生命中的失败并不可怕。失败只不过会让你经历不同的人生罢了，重要的是你如何把握和享受那过程。最可怕的是你一点都不享受那学习的过程，甚至因为压力而浇熄了你对学习的热忱。人生的过程何尝不是这样呢？到底有多少人因为压力和忙碌的生活而忘记了人生是一段过程呢，甚至对人生失去了兴趣与热忱呢？唉，可怜的学生与老师啊。。。。。。

An exhilarating holiday

2008-09-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

It has been a long long time since I blog about daily life as life has been quite monotonous, which consist mainly of marking, exams, results, targets, meetings, remediation strategies etc. etc. But the break this week was really a break from the crazy drilling & the tremendous pressure put on us to achieve some goals which will surely seem meaningless many years down the road, both for us & for the pupils.

Since I will never have the chance to go for a long trip during one week break, I will always grab the chance to enjoy myself in Singapore & JB, & the main enjoyment will be catching up with friends of the same profession, eating, shopping, singing, listening to music, watching drama series & reading. With my parents going overseas this week, I also enjoy myself tremendously at home as I finally have no one to nag around me & having a quiet & personal space of my own.

On Monday(1/9/08), I met up with SW & her son for lunch at cafe cartel. The set lunch was already sold out at 2pm, so we had to settle for something more expensive. Alas, it was a pity, because only during the school holiday can we go for such value meal. But nevertheless, we had an enjoyable chat over lunch. After that, we took a 20 minutes walk over to MY's house as SW's son walk very slowly & we had to take a nice, relax stroll with him. This is the 3rd time we visited her since she gave birth earlier in the year. It was really a twist of fate, & god's blessing that she finally gave birth to these pair of twin boys. An unfortunate event happened during her 1st pregnancy, but it was really a good testimony that god will not forsake those who have being through much tears & heart-break. Below are the photos we took during our 2 visits:

On Tuesday(2/9/08), I had to go back to school for an exhausting 2-hr lesson. After that, I had to rush off to meet JX so as to accompany her to Ngee Ann City to make the NZ visa. It was nearly 3pm when we finally had lunch. I couldn't really think of any restaurant with weekday lunch promotion, so in the end, we settled for 翡翠拉面小笼包馆 as it was the only restaurant still open for lunch at 3pm. The food was really great, much better than the famous 鼎泰丰. The xiao long bao is one of the best in Singapore, and the la mian was not bad. Although I don't really like the dishes at 翡翠小厨, I highly recommend its la mian & xiao long bao. But I guess if you go to taiwan, you can just eat xiao long bao at any breakfast shop & it still taste much better than any restaurant in Singapore.

After that, we went to watch quite a stupid movie called "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". Nothing much to talk about, just that the movie ticket costs us only $6 & we had a small packet of free pop-corn & I spent another great afternoon with JX. Never ate dinner that night as mum's not around & I had a very filling late lunch.

On Wednesday(3/9/08), I had to go back to school again for lesson & I had intended to just do my work & settle for a simple dinner alone at home. But in the end, I made a last minute date with MH & we went to 避风塘 to have dinner. Even when mum is not cooking, I settled for chinese food again as I ordered the roast pork rice, brewed soup, & side dish set. The restaurant has undergo a revamp & it is much classy now & the management has expand the menu to include more dishes. I love TM & CS, we are really spoiled for choice here. I can just meet up my friends in this area & there is really no need to go to the central area.

On Thursday(4/9/08), MH, K & I had quite a nerve-breaking morning taking part in a meaningless competition, presenting some meaningless stuff to some meaningless people. But all's well ends well & we had a sumptous lunch at the combined restaurant of 翡翠拉面小笼包馆 and 翡翠小厨. We ordered different varieties of dim sum, porridge, & xiao long bao again. This is the 3rd time this week I'm eating oriental food. We just ate & ate, forgetting about going back to know the result.

After that, I went for my free 1 hour massage at wellness spa at Marina South. It was great, & it was the reason I had the energy to walk from Marina South to The Plaze(beach road) to get the free humidifier & then to Midland House(Middle Road) to collect the free tickets for Japanese drum & dance festival performance & then back to city hall again to meet SW & SL to go for our free Singapore flyer ride.

We actually had quite high anticipation for our ride on Singapore flyer. But it did not really meet my expectation. Maybe if I had gone up when the sun was setting, I would have love it more. The night scenery is beautiful, I agree, but to see it through a thick layer of glasses, there is always something missing. I love the DHL balloon more because there is no barrier to the scenery around you. But then, i can't complain more since its free for me. Below are the photos taken with SW's camera. We went up at around 7pm, when the sky was turning dark:

These are photos taken from the net, but similar to the night scnery that we saw:

After that, we went to Canele at Raffles City basement for dinner. This is a restaurant that I have always wanted to try for a long time. The pastries, cakes on display have been "calling" out to me every-time I pass by. The ambience there is also great, giving me a cozy, "cooling" & romantic feeling.

I ordered the Croque Madame. Its actually Homemade pain de mie (white toast bread) baked with ham, Swiss Gruyère cheese, with sunny side up, and side salad with house dressing. I love the taste of the freshly made white toast bread mixed with cheese.

Another 2 dishes that I love are the Rustic Bacon & Pea soup & the strawberry crepe. I love the taste of the rich chicken broth. It looks like a very simple dish, but I doubt I will be able to brew the soup to such taste. The strawberry ice-cream on the crepe is also very special, as it tastes like strawberries that had just been pick from the garden.

It was an activity-packed day & I look forward to the next day as I am going to JB with SW & her hubby.

On Friday(5/9/08), I woke up quite early as we intended to go JB for breakfast 1st before heading off for our KTV session & shopping spree at City Square. However, SW & her hubby came to pick me up only around 10am, & by the time we reach Woodlands interchange, it was nearly 11am. We board bus 950 at around 11am, & by the time we reach JB, it was only around 1150am. We took only 50 mins from Woodlands interchange to the other side of the causeway. It was really great going on a weekday with no jam & crowd at all.

The first thing we did when we cross into JB was to change money(rate was RM2.37, very good) & then headed to our favourite herbal duck & chinese dish restaurant for our favourite herbal duck & roast duck. We ordered the set meal for 3 which costs only RM35. It consists of a big bowl of winter melon soup, fried vegetables(dou miao leh), signature dou-fu, a plate of herbal duck, 3 bowls of rice & also free-flow of chinese tea. I love all the dishes, the soup was really sweet & well-brewed, the hot-plate dou-fu was really fresh, the fried dou miao was tasty, & the herbal duck was the best. We ordered another plate of roast duck with honey sauce on it. Sedap too. The whole meal only costs 3 of us less than RM40. That's cheap.

After that, we headed off to city square for our shopping spree. It was a great joy shopping on a weekday afternoon when we were the only customers in the shop. No noise, no queuing, no squeezing. I didn't bought much stuff this time because of lack of time. The only clothes I bought are these. The top is from bossini & the bottom is from FOS. Bossini is having 50% sale, & the bottom costs only RM14, & you can't get it in Singapore :

After that, we went to Neway for KTV session. I had always wanted to try KTV in JB. The price is only RM30, & you can sing from 1-7pm & have 2 free drinks, & free-flow tidbits. But we reach only around 1.45pm, & we sing only until 5.30pm, as we still had lots of shopping to do. There are more categories of songs in this KTV & more songs that cater to different ages of people. Really great. We intended to stay for 1 night next time, so that we can really sing our hearts out, go for massage, manicure, pedicure, hair-cut, shopping, movie, makan, etc. Its really the value of our money that we find it worthwhile to really enjoy ourselves here.

The highlight of our trip this time was to buy moon-cakes & the only brand of moon-cakes that I really love is Lavender. Lavender is also a famous confectionary in Malaysia. I bought 4 flavours of snow-skin moon-cakes & they are durian, green tea, sesame & orange. I love only snow-skin moon-cakes, don't really like the traditional brownish skin ones. It costs me only RM45 for the 4 pieces of moon-cakes & I got $4 free voucher that I used it to buy bread from Lavender's confectionary.

It was nearly 9pm when we wanted to have dinner. We decided not to go to the food center for seafood & just settle dinner at any of the restaurant in city square. In the end, we decided to have dinner at the HK cafe which is considered cheap relative to the price of HK cafe in Singapore. We ordered main courses, side dishes, & desserts & paid only RM60 for 3 persons. The food was just alright, but filling & relatively cheap.

It was 12pm by the time I reach home. I was feeling really tired but exhilarated. I had forgotten all the stress & burdens of work, & played really hard this holiday. Two more days, & its back to reality again. I must continue to enjoy my weekends......

怕错 - 沈帼英

2008-08-31T18:54:00.000-07:00

和几个印尼同事闲聊，谈起当地人的工作方式，不约而同地把一些现象归咎于害怕犯错的心理上。开会时只点头不发言，因为怕讲错话。像机器人按照工作手册的每一字每一句做事，凡手册上没提到的都不敢做，也因为怕错。

　　越是怕错，越容易出错。一味死背书按照指示行动，不用逻辑思考，遇上状况时肯定不能灵活应变。担心犯错而不开口发问，只会不知错，一直错下去。

　　朋友发现衣服有褪色痕迹，想了解问题出在哪里。负责洗衣的阿姨却立刻架起防卫心理，直呼自己没犯错，根本不愿意参与讨论。朋友完全没有责怪之意，却找不出原因，好气又好笑。

　　雅加达市政府为了舒缓繁忙时间的交通，在某个时段关闭一些道路。多数德士司机宁可全天都避开那些路绕道而行，也不花两分种仔细看看显示牌上注明的关闭时段。也是怕错的心理在作祟。

　　怕错，是一种文化现象。铸成的因素，离不开教育制度和成长环境对错误的重视。大家都说从错误学习，但更多时候老师、长辈或雇主却习惯把焦点放在“错误” 多过“学习”上。每次犯错后得到的惩罚，像紧箍咒一样捆绑着人们的脑袋。生活的记忆里填满了错误的负担和恐惧。谁还敢客观思考？更别说think out of the box。

　　有一个专门提供职员培训的印尼组织，提倡以特长为本的思考模式（Asset-Based Thinking），希望纠正长久以来印尼教育方式形成的思考习惯。他们鼓励学员先从自己的优点和强项出发，不要一开始便谈问题和错误。搬开了怕错的心理障碍，才能好好培养个人的素质与才能。

　　怕错当然不只是印尼人仅有的习惯。我们也是在紧箍咒下长大的一群，也还在学习不怕错。

《舞之思忖（八） — 神往之心》Pursuit of Passion

2008-08-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

好精彩、好动人、好感人、好有美感的一场舞蹈表演啊！要不是我付出了四个下午的时间去参加舞蹈负责老师的训练课程，那我不可能会认识林美琴老师，也不可能会认识福建会馆属下的舞蹈团，也不可能会有机会，有念头，有兴趣去观赏这一场舞蹈的盛宴。

几年前，我也曾观赏过梁笑英老师的麟麒舞蹈团的两场表演，也曾观赏过某个中国舞蹈团的表演。那时，我就对舞蹈这么美丽的艺术产生了浓厚的兴趣。可是现在，我决定让舞蹈成为我平淡无奇的生说中的主要调味品。接下来的这一年，我还会继续去观赏多几场舞蹈演出。

当每个星期六的素食烹饪班结束后，我也想去联络所报名参加成人的舞蹈班。我已经圆了我学钢琴的梦想，虽然我自己购买的那架钢琴现在正寂寞孤单地摆在家里的某个角落。不过，我对音乐的热爱与热忱还是不减当年，只是我现在想尝试别的艺术形式。

如果生命没意外的话，我应该还有50年的路要走。而在这漫长的人生道路上，我需要各种艺术（文学、音乐、舞蹈、美术）的陪伴与陶冶，才能够走过这充满压力与苦闷的人生，因为我太贪心了，我的欲望太强烈了，就连神也满足不了我所有心灵上的渴望。

Foundation Of The Heart

2008-08-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

The great cathedrals of Europe are not only breathtaking but intriguing in their architecture. Because their massive ceilings were too heavy for the walls to support, flying buttresses, or external extensions, were built to support the expansive roofs.

Although we are “the temple of the living God” (2 Cor. 6:16), I wonder if we are not more like these cathedrals, with buttresses of external influences holding us up while we remain weak at the core. Pastors, friends, rules, books, and small groups are helpful to support and bolster our faith. But if we depend too heavily on them, they can actually distract us from developing a healthy heart for God.

Our heart is the place where God meets and relates to us personally. It’s where He allows us to respond to His correction. Spending time in His Word and in prayer opens the door for Him to interact with us at the deepest levels of our need and gives Him opportunities to comfort and convict. As we open our hearts to Him, He fans the flame of an intimate, life-changing relationship.

Authentic Christianity is the inside-out expression of this dynamic relationship with Jesus that provides the strength to live for His glory—regardless of what is happening on the outside! — Joe Stowell

When you open your heart to the Savior, He opens your mind to His Word.

An Audience Of One

2008-08-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

When I worked as a young journalist for Campus Life magazine, my assistant kept a plaque on her desk with this two-line poem: Only one life, ’twill soon be past / Only what’s done for Christ will last.

Reading that plaque brought me up short every time. Although I believed its truth, how could I put it into practice? How should my faith in the invisible world affect my day-to-day life in the visible world?

According to Jesus, it’s what God thinks of us that matters, not what others think. Jesus instructed us to pray in a closed room, where no one could see us, rather than in a public place where we might get credit for being spiritual (Matt. 6:6). In other words, live for God and not others.

Do we clamor for attention and achievement? Jesus invites us to let go of that competitive struggle, to trust that God’s opinion of us is the only one that ultimately counts.

How would our lives differ if we truly played to an audience of One? Certainly our sense of ego and rivalry would fade, because we would no longer need to worry about proving ourselves to others. We could concentrate instead on pleasing God by living in a way that would attract people to Jesus. — Philip Yancey

感动我心，让我整颗心都醉了的歌手

2008-08-19T20:24:00.000-07:00

在黄建成的音乐会上，又再次听到陈绮贞的《旅行的意义》，让我又怀念起她。我已经好久没听她的歌了，只因这个乐坛不断有新歌手和新歌曲的出现，所以我的脑海中不断有新歌重叠旧歌的回忆。不过，当我又再次重听她的歌时，内心的感动与对生命的感动还是那么地深。陈绮贞，你不愧是哲学系的毕业生，你写的歌竟然能深深地感动每一个在世上漂泊的灵魂。

陈绮贞的每一张专辑都值得珍藏，每一首歌都值得闭上眼静静聆听与体会，睁开眼细读歌词中的每一个字，并反思自己的生命。

当你遇到挫折，对自己失去信心，再也飞不起来时，请你去聆听她的《失败者的飞翔》与《AFTER 17》。当你想一个人静一静时，请你去聆听《太多》和《静静的生活》。当你觉得生活过得很累时，请你去聆听《80%完美的日子》。

其实，她还有好多好多首我好喜欢的歌曲。因为太多了，无法一一介绍。不过，我最喜欢的还是她的《旅行的意义》，因为我也有一颗自由奔放、不想被束缚，但还是得努力学习安定下来的灵魂，所以听了这首歌后，心中的震撼久久无法平息。哦，还有另一首我很喜欢的歌是《雨天的尾巴》，因为我在写了《雨天》这首诗后，她竟然也把雨天拟人化，写出了这首歌.............

炎热的夏日，一股沁人心脾的清泉

2008-08-17T01:25:00.000-07:00

人与人之间的缘分是非常奇妙的，人与一位歌手、一首歌之间的缘分何尝不是。我真的是在无意中、机缘巧合之下认识黄建为这名歌手的。他真的不是一名很有名的歌手，也不是一名有潜质大红大紫的艺人。不过他的歌就像午后的一阵凉风，吹得人们的心都渐渐沉睡了，像夏天里缓缓奔流的一股清泉，流过每一颗为生活忙碌、不知怎么慢下来的心。

他的歌带我离开快节奏的生活，回到能够感动人心的田野、大自然里去。那里才是人的本质生活，才是人心应该归依的地方。

Special dates of this generation, what they mean to her?

2008-08-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

1/1/2001-She was still 24 years old this year. Had a stable job, comfortable salary, but was still searching for her other half. Her life was actually quite empty, disillusion, & purposeless as she still did not know god then.

2/2/2002-She was 25 years old then. Met with a really heart-breaking & unfortunate incident in life that led her to CSC to know more about God in July & really turn the life of an anti-christian 360 degrees & she slowly learn to be the salt & light of this world from then on. She is still feeling very lonely as close friends slowly "leave" her to form their own families.

3/3/2003-She had forgotten what happened this year. Struggling with faith & relationship issue in CSC & in work-place.

4/4/2004-She got to know someone through work. She learn how to blade & was mesmerized by the wrong person who will only be a friend forever. Nothing more, nothing less. Grandmother passed away 1 month after nephew was born. Feel that life is really a joke & something that you can't control.

5/5/2005-She changed work-place & working in the new environment allowed her to make new friends who become very good travel pals & colleagues. She felt really bless that she is able to know close friends from the previous & current work-place.

6/6/2006-She never expected to get attach before she turned 30 as she was already planning to buy her own house once she reach 35. It was a turbulent year as she juggled pressures from both CSC & CH & the struggles in her own heart. It was also a year when she nearly quit her job as her job was nearly driving her crazy.

7/7/2007-This was quite a peaceful year for her except for the change from CSC to CHC & the change in his job. God has finally bring them to a place where they can really serve in the marketplace & fulfill the destiny that god has for both of them.

8/8/2008-National Day Eve, Opening ceremony of China Olympics. A very auspicious day in the Chinese Calendar. She still has a very stable job & a more comfortable salary. Entering into the 3rd year of her courtship. Praying that god will lead them into the land of milk & honey. She is getting disheartened & really don't know how to continue to support him financially. 我现在的心已经变得好瘦好瘦，可是神啊，你连我这么小小的要求都不能满足吗？如果我能做得到，为什么他不能呢？祢到底要怎么考验我们呢？身为女人，难道我不能够这样要求吗？主啊，求你成全我们吧，让我们变得幸福吧。我好累，好累啊，好想放弃......

9/9/2009-This is the day she hope to get married, in a traditional church, in a beautiful white lacey dress, with hymns playing in the background, & with god's blessing for their marriage life. She pray that the prices of resale 4-room flat will fall below 250K too, so that they can have a home that she can design & decorate & call their own.

(It was a really moody day for her today because of the financial difficulties he is in right now. She really need someone of the same sex to share everything with, & coincidentally she met up with JX & pour out all her woes to JX & felt really glad that JX understood everything. Thank you, friend, & I'm glad that I have found another 性情中人like you。我禱告，我們都能尋得自己的幸福，我們都要努力尋找自己的幸福，我們都要過得幸福哦！)

沉浸在浪漫的童话故事中，无法自拔

2008-08-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

好久没看台剧了。这次却在无意中无法自拔地迷上了这部台剧，竟然在一个星期中，追看完了26集。因为昨晚看到凌晨5点钟，现在还有点迷迷糊糊的，分不清现实与虚幻，也拒绝把自己从幻想的世界中抽离出来。我已经好久没这样了，以为自己已经不再年轻，不会再胡思乱想、幻想、着迷了。可是这部片却有着这样的魔力，使我又迷失了自己，只想逃进童话世界中，不想再面对真实的世界、友情、亲情、感情。

我喜欢这部剧集以一副名为《初夜》的画牵引出所有的人物与情节。我喜欢这部剧集中人与人之间所流露的爱情、友情与亲情。我喜欢这部剧集中的艺术氛围。我喜欢这部剧集中用这么简单的一个游戏“剪刀、石头、布”来刻画让人心动的友情与爱情，以及形容故事中的三个主角（一个就像一把利刃的剪刀、一个就像稳重、可靠的石头、一个就像可包容所有过犯的一块布）。我喜欢这部剧集的情节（各种奇妙的缘分的交接与碰撞）与演员（太可爱了）。

其实我自己的生命已经算蛮精彩了，也经历了一些好奇妙的缘分，而最重要的是我还有一颗火热与会跳跃的心和一个能让我幻想的世界。过了今天，我又要回到现实的世界中，去创造我自己精彩和与众不同的生命。

我是AB派的。。哈哈

2008-08-06T03:53:00.000-07:00

AB型血特征：充满矛盾的自信家

多数人童年时与成年后性格很不一致。小时候特别认生，与人接触时，表面看似乎很安详，心里却十分害怕生人或大人。可是，到了青少年时期，会一改旧态，变得善与人相处，而且能圆满地处理各种关系。所以不少人专事调解工作，成名者尤多。
(Haha, I couldn't agree more. My social skills have improved tremendously over the years, & I'm no more the shy, quiet & timid gal anymore. I love people now, & I love to talk to strangers & interact with friends from overseas especially.)

然而，AB型人在心理上与人的距离感是始终不变的。即便是对亲近的人，也保持一定距离。这是AB型人感情淡薄的根源。尽管如此，AB型人仍属热心人，办事虽无O型人那么积极主动，但一般不会拒绝别人的请求。他们常常担任某些团体的联络人，为于已无利的事奔走忙碌。AB型人还有一个优点，那就是对人绝对公平，他们不会搞宗派，这点是有别于O型人的。不顺心时，特别会讲俏皮话。(Yes, I don't like cliques, because I had been left out of cliques & had been hurt before when I was young. I can be very close to a person, but there's no need to always stick to him/her while in a group. We can always go out on our own & interact with each other.)

AB型人中爱交际的人虽不少，但他们共同的特别是嫌恶世俗人情。AB型人对人有强烈的好恶感，特别厌恶伪善和自私的人。不过，他们不直接表在自己的这种感情，对自己厌恶的人也能笑脸相迎。可以说是AB型人的处世特技。AB型人不喜欢与人相争，遇事不爱出头，是天生的温和主义者。(Yes, I realize that the 2 kinds of person I hate the most now are those living behind a facade & those who are selfish idiots. So those people who are pretentious, who live their life behind a veil, who are selfish & cares only about themselves, please get out of my life so that I don't have to "wear" a smiling face before you. )

汉语文的奇妙与独特

2008-08-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

以下两组中的两个句子都是用同样的汉字组成的。可是把它们重新编排后，所要表达的意思却是完全相反的。但愿我们生活的每一天，都能够被积极、美妙、悦耳的话语所环绕。

“这题你不是练好几遍，笨得哦！”(Didn't you practise this question for a few times already, so stupid......!")

“你不笨，是这题得练好几遍哦！”(You are not stupid, its because this question is difficult, you must practise for a few times......!")

“什么都不能跟人家比，
谁像你一样没有用啊！”(Everything also cannot compare with others, who in the world is so useless like you?????")

“没有谁能像你一样啊，
不用什么都跟人家比！”(Nobody is comparable to you, you are unique. You don't have to compare with others......")

FOP 2008

2008-08-01T18:03:00.000-07:00

It was a really long & tiring journey to the Singapore Indoor Stadium because of the inaccessibility of that place. When we reach the stadium, it was nearly 8.00pm as we waited around 20 minutes for bus 11. How I wish the bus service in Singapore could be more "considerate". They could have increase the frequency of that service whenever there are events or concerts being held at the stadium.

The moment I entered the indoor stadium, I could only hear "noises". The sound system was not very good this year & the music was "deafening". I could not really worship in peace. This is the 2nd time I attended FOP & I do not know all the worship teams & have not heard Rev. Mark preach before. I really do not know what to expect.

As I have never heard of parachute band's songs before & the music was "piercing" to the ears, I could not really get into the mood for worshiping. However, the testimony shared by the lead singer was really touching & inspiring. Reuben Morgan is good, but we left early because we could not stand the "exploding" sound of the music. I have heard many of his songs before while worshiping in church but do not know the titles of the song.

What I enjoyed most during the FOP was the preaching by Rev. Mark Conner. I love his accent, the tone & sound of this voice, & the jokes that he made. He started off but telling a joke about the differences among christian. There are actually so many different denomination among the different churches. What I know is only the difference between presbyterian, methodist & charismatic churches in Singapore.

I love his sermon for tonight, that's why I decided to write it down in my blog. I feel that this sermon came at the right time for a certain brother of another church, & also for some members in the cell. The title of his sermon could be "Unity in the Church", "Unity among Christians" or "4 ingredients to build a healthy church". Below are the 4 points he preach on(with my own views added in):

1) Peace.

As a christian, there must be a relationship with god whereby there is presence of peace with him & not of struggle. Because of the presence of sin in many christians' life, one is always struggling with god & could not build a proper relationship with god.

As a christian, one must also have peace of god in one's heart. Because of the worrying & unforgiving nature of the human race, there is always anxiety, distress, uneasiness, & hatred in one's heart & mind. When one live according to his carnal nature, one will not have the peace of god in his heart.

As a christian, one must also have peace with one another, & that includes christians & non-christians. Sometimes, people have high expectation of christians, thinking that they are saints, they are perfect, & that they will not fall & sin. But don't be alarmingly surprise if you find christians sinning more than non-christians. This is the reason why we need god more in our life. When christians of high position fall & sin & stumble other christians around him, it is really sad. But no matter what, we must always depend on god & really build peace with one another. However, if you find the whole church sinning & there are really some serious problems with the church, then that is another totally different issue. I believe god will be able to lead one to another place with milk & honey.

2) Encouragement.

There is a saying that goes like this "Encouragment is oxygen to the soul". Deep down in every person's heart, there is always a need for peace & encouragement. When one grows up with no one to encourage him in whatever he does, his soul will slowly dries up & wither away. I understand this the most as I grew up with absence of encouragement from my parents. But it is a blessing that I have god & many close friends around me to encourage me in whatever I do. So when you feel like giving up, please lean on god & the friends around you.

3) Comfort.

As a christian, we must also be able to find comfort from god & the holy spirit and also from people around us. But in order to find comfort from these sources, we must first be able to share with god, & also with people around us.

Many christians find it easy to share with god & to derive comfort from the holy spirt, but are afraid to show their weaknesses to people & will always maintain a stronghold facade. However, when they do this, they will not be able to find comfort from people around them & thus will not be able to build a deep, meaningful & 2-way relationship.

Besides finding comfort, we must also be able to be a comfort to others. We can do this only when the holy spirit is living in us & thus we are able to empathise with others.

4) Fear of the Lord

Lastly, we must be reverent of god & be fully aware of his presence. Only when we feel god in our life, we can then really depend on him in whatever we do in our daily life.

阿信的天空

2008-07-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

因为OMY所举办的博客奖让我认识也阅读了好多各种设计与题材的博客。其中我最喜欢的当然是阿信的博客。他所写的文章像一首首感性的诗、像一首首悦耳动听的歌。我沉浸在他广阔无边、风景绮丽的思想世界与图像世界里头。

有才华与样貌的艺人才能够成为我这种年纪的人的偶像。毕竟单靠外表是骗不了，也吸引不了我们这种人了。我希望每年都能够找到一个人陪我去看五月天的演唱会，只因为阿信的才华与音乐。

The joy of having children? I wonder......

2008-07-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

l
My niece "fat mei mei", Shixuan, Isabelle.

My nephew Yang Yang, Jonathan & her new-born sister(1st photo).

Raising the birth rate in S country has become a national issue again & everybody is talking about it. But this is not something so simple as it involves finding love & marriage for those "unfortunate" busy singles, the rising cost of living in S country, & the crazy work-life in this crazy society. All these are not changeable by a helpless human being & individual like us.

But I'm really quite amused that having children can be a national issue. However, they can implement whatever measures they want, but the citizens will just treat it as an after coffee talk & not do anything to support these measures. Its our own life ok, & the 1st person you need to influence to make her change her mind about having children is me.

Sometimes, I do feel bad about making this internal vow about not having children & I wonder what will happen if I really want a child next time. As a christian, I should not be thinking this way because children are actually blessings from god & in the past, god punishes women by making them barren.

Of course I know what the joys of having children are. I currently have 3 cute nephews & nieces & two of them are being looked after my mum currently. I have been carrying them, playing with them, reading to them since 4 years ago when my nephew was born. They are really an added joy to my daily routine & hectic worklife. However, all these are only limited to spending time with them & loving them. I really don't have the ability & responsibility of looking after them for their wholelife, & I'm glad they still have their parents.

I don't know why, but as I stay longer in this profession, my desire of having children keeps plunging, plunging, plunging. And sad to say, I don't have much desire in the 1st place. I just find the opportunity costs & sacrifices too high for me to bear. I also find it very sad to bring them into this future society & this future world.

不孝有三，无后为大。I don't really agree with this anymore. Sometimes the burden of looking after the child & raising the child has been shifted to the older parents who do not even have a chance to enjoy their freedom in old age. It is also physically tiring looking after a kid. Hence, I find that giving birth & asking parents to look after can be deem more unfilial.

Of course, whenever I look at the cute photos above, I am also really afraid that I will regret & not be able to turn back the clock in future. But I believe if I continue to love myself & love others & find meaning in life, I won't regret this decision afterall......

未来的道路

2008-07-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

刚从大学毕业后，众人的问题是：“你想要做什么？你的工钱多少？”

找到一份稳定的工作后，众人的问题是：“你有没有男朋友？他是做什么的？他的工钱多少？”

若过了几年还未找到男朋友，众人的问题是：“你要不要我帮你介绍？女人应该找个伴，不应该孤身一人。”

过了几年，当你找到一个男朋友后，众人的问题是：“你们几时要结婚？你的年龄不小了，不要再蹉跎岁月了。”

再过了几年，当你终于安下心来，步入婚姻这座殿堂后，众人的问题是：“你们几时要生孩子？一段婚姻没有孩子毕竟是不完整的。”

我就是不想循着众人的道路去走。难道女人一定要有男人才能够变得完整？难道不结婚的话，两个人的感情就会有变卦，就会转淡吗？难道没有孩子的话，婚姻就不能够幸福美满吗？我不讨厌小孩，但我就是觉得养育一个孩子没有什么乐趣可言，因为人生中还有许多其他有意义的事可以去做。

我就是想与众人不同，我就是想照着自己的想法去做。

现在的屋价不断飙升，已经到了我无法接受的阶段，所以我唯有等、等、等。

现在的物价不断飙升，薪水却没增加，而C却在这年头转换工作，从“零”开始，而我却要他有一天能够“追”上我，所以我唯有等、等、等。

老实说，这等待的过程真的很辛苦，很彷徨。有很多时候，我常常觉得灰心丧胆、感觉无力。我真的不知神要我等到什么时候。世界上的奇迹不多，但我多么希望C是其中一个被神筛选的，去彰显他的大能的平凡人类。

我的未来还有50年吧，如果人生没意外的话。我们能一起走下去吗？

Aerin's-Dessert to die for

2008-07-27T04:19:00.000-07:00

Bangers & Mash

Warm Chocolate pudding

Apple Pie

Saturday evening, with C still in Malaysia, I arranged a last minute gathering with YS & HX as only both of them are able to make it last minute.

I had intended to go purvis street to try the thai food at first, but in the end, we choose to have dinner at basement of raffles city as it is more convenient & I prefer to have dinner at a more cozy, cooling & romantic place tonight.

Aerin's is a restuarant with very nice architectural design, a water fountain in the center of the resturant & very nice ambience & candle-light. Its a long time since I indulge myself in western food & desserts. I still love eating western food once in a while, & will never get tired of western dessert. HX & YS ordered the signature dish "fish & chips", while I ordered "bangers & mash"(one of my favourite dish of all time). We chatted & eat the main course for nearly 2 hours before we decided to order the dessert. The apple pie is one of the "must try" dessert, but I prefer the warm chocolate pudding with the ice-cream on top. The filling of the apple pie is a bit too sour for me & I don't like it.

The cost of the dinner came up to nearly S$30 per person. Not too x & not too cheap. But I guess I will not try it as often as coffee club which is abit cheaper & have the best dessert & drinks in Singapore too. And also not forgetting to mention "coffee showcase" in katong area.

Desserts & chocolate, the way to a woman's heart & soul, the way to calm a woman's heart & soul......

Controversial views on CHC & NCC

2008-07-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

While I was searching on the new album from CHC, I found many forums & blogs on the internet "discussing" about the various mega-churches in Singapore. However, I just feel that everybody is subject to their own views, but nevertheless must be responsible for whatever they said in the future.

Some things may not be what other people say, what you hear from others, or what you see on the surface. Hence, you must experience it yourself & made your own judgment.

There is a particular blog that offers more objective views on this issue of mega-churches & also many theological view on christianity. I have yet to finish reading all the entries on this blog. Would like to share with all my friends out there. http://www.stillhaventfound.org/

Somehow I feel the existence of all these blogs can be a double-edged sword. When you blog in this virtual world, what you say or do is not a secret anymore.

没有KPI - 丹女

2008-07-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

她终于告别努力了3年的工作，正式进入没有KPI的日子。在政府部门，KPI真是让人头疼的东西。Key Performance Index，用于测量各个部门在不同方面的表现。其实，她在上班的时候，也不是真的有什么KPI，或许说有，但她总是认为我就专心做好该做的，KPI 达到就达到，达不到就达不到，难道杀头吗？

　　她也看到许多人为了KPI而烦恼，为了KPI绞尽脑汁。你可以想象，已经忙得半条命了，还得一群人花时间开会讨论该如何达到KPI，而且经常想出来的办法，无非是对数字作一些揉捏，请问这样的工作到底有什么意义？被KPI牵着鼻子走的工作人生到底有什么乐趣？

　　她就经常认为：KPI这东西最多适合衡量那些销售、赞助等与财务有关的作业。像今年的赞助额达到多少，今年的销售量有多高等等。就算是这样的数额也会达到饱和点，不可能只升不降。KPI的问题就是，它永远要你比过去的数额高。或许说，个人永远会为了私己的利益，而要求它比去年高，不然怎么升值加薪，怎么向老板交待？因此有些时候，与其花时间解释为什么数额不比去年高，不如在数字方面做一些适度的调整。这当然使得数字失去了它的意义和作用，沦为个人或机构的工具罢了。而像教育、艺术这种十年树木、百年树人的工作，又岂能用数字来衡量？

　　作为博物馆，如果要门庭若市，很简单。只要搞一些大家都喜欢看的表演、舞会、夜间活动、明星艺人、免费礼品，馆内的参观人数探测器肯定便会忙不过来。但是这样年年增加的数字真的代表了什么吗？关心历史文化的人多了？参观画展的人多了？对东南亚艺术有兴趣的人多了？理解新加坡和亚洲文化的人多了？就未必吧。不是说这些活动不好，她也喜欢HIP、HIP的博物馆，但如果要用数字来代表什么，来显示问题又是两回事。所以，数字在这里实在是用来装潢罢了，用来点缀罢了。

　　她的朋友是教师。不久前随团到北欧学校参观学习，说是想了解当地如何鼓励创意，让北欧的发明、设计等走在时代尖端。朋友说：一群校长老师们在学习汇报时，都表示欣赏北欧学习制度的自由，让学生在没有沉重压力的情况下，没有歧视并容许失败的环境里成长。但话音一转，又来批评北欧的学校没有KPI，不够制度化……朋友说，她当时就认为，为什么大家把事情分开来讲，难道没有发现，北欧的创意风气不是教出来的吗？难道没有发现这样的环境其实不可能只局限于学校里面，而必须有整个政府、社会、家庭、个人的贯彻吗？怎么可能学校的老师都被制度、教条、KPI绑在那里，学生却可以自由自在地发展呢？

　　她问朋友：“你提出你的看法了吗？”朋友说：“没有，因为大家都是那么批评的。所以我也不好说。”

　　她想：往往都是这样。一个制度跑久了，就成了有生命的怪兽机器。这个怪兽机器不管你怎么样要改变它里面的哪一个机件，它都已经是环环相扣，每一个机件互相依赖的怪兽机器了。它只能往那个注定的方向跑，如果你照顾它，它可以跑得久一些。但如果你要放弃这个原有的方向，与其改装这个机器，或许你就得考虑毁掉这个怪兽了……

(I am also being tied down in C3's, S & the whole society's terrible systematic process. A free-spirited soul, being captured by the system monster, imprisoned for 32 years already. When will this soul finally be free......????)

The other boleyn girl

2008-07-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

I have been watching quite many drama series, movies on almost every weekday night for the past few months(stubbornly refusing to mark the worksheets & compositions that I brought home). I think I prefer watching shows in the comfort of my home, & according to my own speed, rather than spending $10 to watch it in the cinema.

I have come to realize that I watch shows for the story-line, for the thought-provoking, heart-warming, & spiritually lifting feeling & also for relaxation & entertainment. As such, there is really not much difference whether I watch it on a big big screen in the cinema or watch it on my small screen at home.

I have been wanting to write about the above show after I came back from taiwan in June. I managed to catch half of this movie on the plane back from taipei, & the other half on the internet(managed to find it on my favourite movie website).

After various searches on this show on the internet, I find that it did not have quite a good review. But I like it nevertheless. Its really quite a sad show with a tragic ending. All those love, hatred, unscrupulous fighting only results in death & loneliness for those still living.

I love the drama, I love the costumes, I love the "wildness", I love the different kinds of feelings portrayed in this show.

And in the end, I learn that those who fight for power, fight for position, covets for more money & affection are only falling into a deep, bottomless abyss that they cannot get out of.

And the morale of the story is that when you live according to your heart, when you are true to yourself, when you don't covet for things that doesn't belong to you, when you just let nature takes its course, you wouldn't be heading for the road of no return & destruction.

星期一的呐喊

2008-07-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

神啊，我已经到了我的极限。
我不想每个星期一都带着愉快的心情来上班，
然后又带着郁闷的心情回去。

每个星期一的呐喊，到底什么时候会结束？
还有三个月，还有三个月啊。。。。。。

但是过了这三个月，
还会有几个周而复始的三个月呢？
也许我真的该走进只有文字的世界，
远离那在“善良”面前乘机发疯的群众。。。。。。

收拾-丹女

2008-07-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

她总在收拾。每隔几年，就得好好地、大大地收拾一回。收拾本身不难，坐在那里把东西分门别类，弄清楚哪些要带着，哪些要留下，她可以轻而易举地完成。收拾不了的是她的心情。

　　你知道收拾了，你就远离这个地方。和这些人的关系就远了，淡了。久而久之，你们都将忘记彼此，忘记曾经存在的一切。尤其是在这样的社会，这样的环境，这样的速度，有谁为谁停留一下？有谁为谁保留一点真诚？没有。真的没有。所以那天当第一个同事告诉她会想念她时，她愣了一下。她心里想：是真的吗？是客套话吗？她好不容易才从齿缝间挤出一句：“我也会想念你。”然后，她觉得自己很恶心。

　　后来又有同事这样告诉她：“我们会想念你。”结果她真的回答说：“真的吗？”毫不犹豫地反问。同事的脸上有错愕的表情。想念要费力气。遗忘不费吹灰之力。你忙着忙着，就什么都可以忘记。生活将推着你向前，根本不让你有机会喘息，又何来机会想念？如果你想念着我，我又把你给忘在脑后，那我也会内疚的。不如都忘了干净。干干净净让每个人都过上新生活……

　　收拾的时候，也是她停下脚步的时候。周围的人都忙忙碌碌，只有她坐在那里收拾，慢慢地收拾。然后事情总会那样，从哪个抽屉的角落，她发现了一张当年谁寄来的卡片。从哪个文件夹的一处，掉落一张变了色的照片，上面是她当年合作无间的同事的影像，还有年轻了几岁的她。她们已经将彼此遗忘。她们都过上了没有交叉点的新生活。

　　这种时候，她会愣在那里一阵子。想想生命真叫人心酸。都这么不着痕迹的过去了。生活还真像个centrifugal machine（离心沉降机）。以前她念大学的时候做实验，就用这个机器把悬浮在液体里的粒子分出来。那个机器转呀转呀，最后下面都是粒子沉淀物，上面出现了干净的液体。她的生活便是经过这么几转，结果把朋友们都转掉了，剩下干干净净的自己。

　　其实她是个戏剧化的人。一边收拾，她一边想掉泪；一边反问“真的吗？”一边眼眶发红。也不为谁，也不为自己，就为生命的轻飘飘。她喜欢剧场里的独白，尤其喜欢那种像是从心底深处发出来的声音。那天她就在天台的月光下，自己来了段独白。“你知道我在想念你吗？你知道过了这么多年，我仍然想念你吗？”

　　然后，她的眼泪潸然落下。她闭上眼睛，感觉生命的沉重与深刻，她需要，她需要感觉生命的沉重与深刻。不是轻飘飘的，你真的留下什么给我了，我真的留下什么给你了。你们都存在，我也是。

(Through all these years, I have also learn not to look back & leave any feeling or memory behind & just look forward to whatever adventure & friendship that I will encounter in the future. The past is just the past, what is important is the present, that's why its called the "present".)

怀疑

2008-07-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

最近，我开始对自己的能力有所怀疑。
当初，我进入这一行时，不是因为我喜欢小孩，
而是因为我热爱流淌在我血液里的中华语文与文学。

而如今，经过了九年的岁月与风风雨雨，
我还是无法敞开我的胸怀与热情去投入这一份工作，
有时候甚至对周围的小朋友感到很厌烦。

我这几年累积起来的爱，又渐渐转换成厌了。
由厌生爱，又由爱生厌，这种感觉不断地循环，
我开始失去热情与动力，我快被自己逼疯了。

在这辽阔的世界中，有没有我的容身之处，
有没有一个地方能够让我在不受到任何阻力之下，
尽情地发挥我的才能与本性呢？
我何必对着一群牛，在那里卖弄我的才能呢？？？？

神啊，我好压抑，好压抑，好难过，好难过。
求你赐给我丰盛的生命吧。。。。。。

Facade of life - what is reality?

2008-07-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

Life is a facade, some things are not what it seems.

A friendly face, a warm smile,
but what is hidden behind the various faces,
what is hidden deep down inside the heart?
Our friendship may just be only a facade,
causing us to drift further away from each other.

A wall build between us, an unfriendly face,
but once the wall is broken down,
a true & genuine heart lies deep within,
& our friendship wil grow & blossom from this moment on.

Do you want to just live life as a facade?
Or do you want to know the reality, reveal your true self,
& build a deeper relationship with human beings, not only with god.
Even if you gets hurt in the process, god will surely heal your broken heart.

I'm tired of living life as a facade......
I'm tired of building a facade relationship......
I want to build something that is deep & meaningful,
something that will touch my heart & soul, & lift me uphigh into the sky......

(Argh, some self muttering that results in a terrible poem.....)

God works through people, not system.

2008-07-13T20:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I learnt at C1 that God works through people, not system.

Hence, no matter how efficient & effective a system is, if there is no good & inspiring leadership, the whole organisation will fail afterall as people are angry & demoralized & not motivated.

The other way round, even if a system is not in order, as long as there is a great man of god & people leading the organization, god will work a way out & everything will falls in place afterall.

This makes me think of C3, an organization which emphasizes alot on systems & processes, but is not getting the desired result. I believe it must have something to do with the leadership, who refuse to admit their own mistakes afterall......

This makes me ponders again whether I should stay or leave next year......Facing that bunch of xxxx, I'm not myself anymore, & I hate it & its really affecting how I see myself......

I can feel that I'm a candle, slowly burning out its light & passion. 70% of me is staying in this line now because of the money & bonuses. If C succeeds one day, I believe I will call it quits & not bother about those bunch of xxxx anymore......

下过雨的早晨

2008-07-08T18:58:00.000-07:00

下过雨的早晨，我从睡梦中醒过来。
整个房间充满了雨丝的味道。
拒绝从温暖的被窝中爬出来。

下过雨的早晨，我带着被降温的愉快心情，
漫步走去买早餐，然后才去学校奋斗。
我闭着眼睛，舒展我全身的触觉，
用心去感受从我身边掠过的微凉的风。

下过雨的早晨，我惊讶地发现，
原来生活也可以这么简单。
只要不会饿死，有大自然的陪伴就够了。
那我又何必这么辛辛苦苦地赚这些不算多，也不算少的钱呢？

经营

2008-07-07T07:22:00.000-07:00

经营一间店不容易，经营一段感情也不容易。
不过你还是需要花时间与精力去好好经营，
不然那间店肯定会亏本，
而那段感情肯定会平淡下来，
然后两个人越走越远，甚至背道而驰。

最近，我对感情的经营有很深的体会。
而在这里，我所说的感情包括爱情、友情与亲情。
而我今天很想说的就是友情。

有些人以为只要曾经是好朋友的话，
那个人永远会守候在你身边，
所以从来都不花时间与心思去经营这段感情。
可是有一天，当朋友觉得很累的时候，
他也会渐渐从你身旁离开。

有些人以为有了家庭与工作，就不需要朋友了，
所以把所有的时间与心思都花在工作与家人身上，
而只和那些他觉得很“方便”做朋友的人保持联络，
而当他离开那个环境后，便把过去的友情都抛在脑后了。

有些人就是不了解一段友情和一段爱情都是一样的-
朋友需要的也是你的时间、真心与付出。
友情的幼苗也是需要不间断的细心灌溉，
它才能茁壮成长，长成芬芳、令人心动的花朵啊！

那些和我渐行渐远的朋友们，你们是否“觉悟”了呢？？？
请你们不要把友情当成是理所当然的事哦。。。。。。

Its a pink Monday (粉红色星期一）

2008-07-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

Today is a pink Monday(its not blue, hehe) for me, as it is a school holiday, & I don't have to subject myself to mountains of work & classes of screaming kids. I have already made a vow to myself not to work during days when I'm not in school. This is to maintain a sound mind & to get the priorities in my life right. Life is short, & thus the priorities in my life right now are as follow:

Number 1- God & only him alone.
Number 2- Boyfriend, future husband & family.
Number 3- All my true friends & those who made effort to maintain contact & build relationship with me.

I'm really glad that despite growing older in age, I still have many friends whom I can look for & go out with despite their commitments with work & family. Today, I went out with SW(who is married with a boy) & SL(who is still single). We went for a 1-1 lunch buffet at Orchard Hotel. It was of course a sumptuous meal & I enjoy our conversations very much as I got to learn about how other people in this world live their life & even subject themselves to certain kind of relationship & marriage life. Our conversations are fun, intellectual, sentimental & gossipy at the same time. When a group of Ts get together...........hahaha.

As I finish my day shopping alone at square 2 & buying a book & a gift, I start to think about some friends & some kind of friendship in my life. Something that Pastor said about friends still entrenched itself deep in my mind. And that is some friends are just "Friends of Convenience".

Now I understand why some flames of friendship will slowly die off & friends will slowly drift apart after they are not in the same organization or same social group. Many friends in our life are just friends of convenience. Once both of you are not in the same organization, not in the same kind of environment & circumstances, you won't contact each other anymore, you won't put in effort to meet up & maintain the relationship anymore.

And thus I find myself very blessed that I still have around 5-10 friends whom I can really count as my true friends, as both of us put in effort to meet up & maintain this friendship & I believe I can still count on them in whatever situations.

Disappointments in life

2008-07-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

I find that after becoming a Christian, I have been more able to deal with disappointments in life and that I have been able to let go of many griefs & hurts in my life. I also do not yearn for recognition from man anymore & that I have more faith in myself & is not afraid of standing up for righteousness even if that means offending certain people & "spoiling" my own reputation.

Hence, when Pastor Mike came to preach again today, I can feel that my heart is quite empty & light as I do not have many issues & burdens that I need to lift up to god anymore. However, at the end of his preaching, when he told us to really open our heart again & to think about issues of disappointment in life, I start to think of 3 friends who have really disappointed me in the past 2 years. Ironically, we are all people of the same faith. As I think back of how close we used to be & how far apart we are drifting now, I just feel a sense of helplessness & nothing more, nothing less. Right now, I only pray that god will be able to get back for me what belongs to me & as for our friendship, I just lift it up into our father's hands......

台湾脚逛大陆-北疆与中亚

2008-07-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

最近一直在追看从电缆电视录制下来的《台湾脚逛大陆》这个节目。因为连续看了好几集都是介绍北疆的景色与风土人情，所以突然对这个美若人间仙境的地方与它的少数民族的文化着迷不已，也从中认识了哈萨克与维吾尔这两个新疆的主要民族。

而我也从这个节目中认识了四界河这个地方，也认识了哈萨克斯坦这个国家。后来我又从一个蛮出名的博客(http://de-er.blogspot.com/)上认识了哈萨克斯坦及其他中亚国家。今天我又无意中在C的桌上翻出了一本去年的杂志，而里面有这样一篇文章：两个新加坡的年轻女子放弃了稳定的工作，花了七个月的时间，背包旅游了中亚的那几个国家。

我的心突然又蠢蠢欲动了。我相信这所有的讯息的接触并不是巧合。总有一天，我一定会从新疆出发，带着一颗敞开的心，脱掉所有世俗的捆绑，背着一个轻便的背包，和我所爱的人一起去探索这块神秘的土地。

这就是生活，这就是生命啊！我不要再为五斗米折腰了，我不要再迷失在金钱与物质的追逐中，放我去飞吧！！

死人复活

2008-06-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

昨天听了朱牧师讲道后，让我记忆深刻的是他所分享的见证。

因此当我因为我们两人的未来而感到灰心丧胆时，他所说的见证鼓舞了我。那就是：既然死人都能复活了，还有什么是我们的天父不能够做的呢？

我的心经历了这么多的挣扎后，才终于决定安定下来。可是另一个我们要冲破的关卡就是现实的考量。既然神已经把他带到了这个阶段，已经不能再往后退，那我们只能凭着信心往前走，并相信他终究有成功的一天。到了那一天，我们的钱财将不只是属于我们的，而是属于天底下贫困的人们的。

When I am weak, I am strong

2008-06-27T00:14:00.000-07:00

开学的第一个星期好像过得特别慢。因为有两天需要早上7.30到学校，所以习惯迟睡的我累得苦不堪言。昨晚就因为肩膀酸痛，晚上10点就上床睡觉了。

有时候觉得自己好像很软弱，对主失去了信心，也无法相信在感情上、在婚姻上，我总有一天会得到幸福。不过，我是不应该这么想的。因此，天父今天就用这句话鼓励了我：

2 Corinthians 12:10 :"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

我一定要相信总有一天，我能够实现我的梦想，照着我的心意去活，并能够每天睡得足够，睡到自然醒。人生苦短啊，人生苦短啊。。。。。。

台湾十天之旅-第八／九天（西门町／新店行道会）

2008-06-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

台湾十天之旅-第七天（6月6日）（九份／淡水）

2008-06-25T17:59:00.000-07:00

taiwan-video2

2008-06-25T05:38:00.000-07:00

SATC-一部适合与女性好友去观看的电影

2008-06-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

今天晚上和JX一起去观看了SATC这部电影。本来是要和另一个好友SW一起去观看的，不过她在我出国时已经去观看了，而且还强力推荐，所以我才会想去观看。这是我第一次观看欲望城市这个系列的故事。本来对这部电影没什么好感，因为曾经听一位牧师“批评”过这部电视剧。不过，很多人总是戴着有色眼光看待许多世界上的事物。

这部电影最让我感动的是它所传达的友情。在这部电影中，爱情比友情逊色了许多，甚至连一点地位也没有。当我看完了整部片后，我只感受到女性之间的友谊的难得与可贵，而且女人真的要懂得爱自己，还要老得有魅力、有自信。我最喜欢的一句话就是"I love you, but I love myself more."，真的很自私，但也是活得快乐与潇洒的唯一途径。

我喜欢的其他"名言”包括：
“Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love.”
“Your two best friends just got screwed over by their guys, how could you not be distant?”
“The good ones screw you, the bad ones screw you, and the rest don't know how to screw you.”
“And we were dressed from head to toe in love... the only label that never goes out of style.”
”Forty is the last age a woman can be photographed in a wedding dress without the unintended Diane Arbus subtext.“

女人们，快和你的好友一起去观看这部电影吧！男人们，你们最好别看了，不然会“气得跳脚”。哈哈。

我现在则要回头去观看欲望城市的电视系列了。我想只要懂得什么时候“释放”你的欲望，那也不是什么过犯吧，毕竟我们还是活在这世上的人。

台湾十天之旅-第六天（6月5日）（九份）

2008-06-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

台湾十天之旅-第五天（6月4日）（太鲁阁之旅）

2008-06-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

今天早上，我们打包了蛋饼早餐后，就乘搭阿宝的德士往太鲁阁公园去玩。今天早上还下着毛毛雨，我们就祈祷雨快点停。当我们到达清水洞时，雨果真停了。我们从高处鸟瞰太平洋海岸线，美景尽收眼帘。这海也令我想起了澳洲的海。当我们看到广阔无人的沙滩时，我们兴奋地立即从高处跑到沙滩上，在美丽的高山与大海旁留下足迹与倩影。我们与另外四个旅客－美国华侨一家人，也渐渐地在大自然中建立起短暂的友谊。

过后，我们继续乘车前往下个景点。花莲真是个美丽的地方，一路上可见连绵起伏的山脉和笼罩在群山周围的云雾。我的心就这样沉醉与冬眠在这人间天堂里面。

一整个早上，我们就在太鲁阁公园的峡谷之中游山玩水，呼吸新鲜的空气。到了午餐时间，我们就到一间设立在峡谷旁的餐馆吃饭。那里的食物不怎么样，不过风景却十分迷人，仿佛世外桃源似的。

吃过了午餐后，我们继续去参观好几个建有吊桥的峡谷。当我们站在吊桥上时，我们仿佛走入了悠久的历史，感受着古人过去在这里生活的点点滴滴与渐渐建起这座桥的过程。

我们今天的最后一站就是公园里最甜美的温泉。我们在咖啡座一边享受温泉咖啡，一边与阿宝和美国华侨一家人高谈阔论。

过后，我们就送美国华侨一家人到火车站去。我们还要在花莲呆一晚，所以阿宝就送我们回民宿，还准备在晚餐时请我们吃鸡排。

我们回民宿睡了一个小时后，就起身吃阿宝买的小吃。这些小吃包括鸡排、蒜蓉炸豆腐和炸芋头。吃了这些垂涎欲滴的小吃后，阿宝就带我们去海边放天灯和鞭炮。我在天灯上只写了4个愿望，而S则写了28个愿望。结果因为天灯太“沉重”了，最后竟然飞不起来，还整个燃烧了起来。哈哈哈。。。下次我一定要去平溪那里放天灯，把我的心愿都带到天堂去。不过，放鞭炮可是个非常难忘的经历。美丽的烟火为夜空和我们的旅程增添了光芒四射的色彩。我们就在记忆中迷人的夜空中沉沉地睡着了。

台湾十天之旅-第四天（6月3日）

2008-06-19T06:42:00.003-07:00

今天早上起床后特别兴奋，因为我们将会搭火车前往花莲，一个我八年前来台时错过的地方。我们匆匆忙忙收拾好行李，打包了“牛奶王”的早餐后，就三步并作两步地穿过中山地下街，赶往台北火车站。幸好还有十分钟的时间，火车才到站。

我们买了莒光号的车票，所以花了四个半小时才到达花莲市。不过我在火车上充分利用时间看风景、写日记、和S聊天和睡觉。

当我们到达花莲火车站时，就遇到了一位正在招生意的民宿老板兼司机兼导游阿宝。我从来没想到这样的相遇会为我们开启了一段美好，令人难忘的旅程。我们原本订了一人一晚NT$450的青年旅舍。可是在参观了阿宝所经营的民宿的房间后，我们立刻怦然心动。既然价钱相差不远，民宿肯定是更好的选择。

我们安顿好一切后，已经是下午2点多了。在民宿的助手的介绍下，我们找到了花莲有名的馄饨面，满足了饥饿的肚腩。那圆滑新鲜的馄饨，配上QQ的手工肉挫面，是旅途中难忘的味觉享受。

我们补充了体力后，就在花莲这个小镇闲逛。我原本以为这么小的地方一会儿就逛完了，也没想到会再买东西。可是五个小时过后，我竟然提着大包小包的东西，在夜色逐渐降临的街道上“展示”我的“战利品”。我们又再一次逛到饥肠淋漓时才肯去吃晚餐。今天的晚餐也是又丰盛又便宜。我们两人又花了少过NT$100吃了十个小笼包、喝了一碗酸辣汤和一杯饮料。

今天最难忘的事就是看到好像是反奥运的圣火传递活动。一整群人在警察的维护下，在细雨纷飞的街道上，奔跑得香汗淋漓。我原本还以为是真正的奥运圣火传递活动呢，真是让我大开眼界。

这次从花莲回来，没带走任何“MUA JI”。若下次再去的话，一定要尝遍所有的口味。

台湾十天之旅-第三天（6月2日）

2008-06-19T05:56:00.000-07:00

昨晚睡得特别香，今天早晨起来时精神很好，所以准备在这个城市里疯狂地吃和购物。早上，我们吃了美而美的肉松蛋饼、鲑鱼蛋饼，也喝了白豆浆和黑豆浆。两人少过NT$100的美味早餐，为美好的一天掀开了序幕。

我们先去台北火车站购买了去花莲的火车票。后来，我们本来要乘搭捷运去别的地方逛。可是我们一走进台北车站周围的地下街后，就迷失在许多廉价服饰商店与鞋店的世界中。我一口气购买了十双鞋子和八件衣服。这是我在一天中疯狂购物的最高纪录。

我们的午餐也是在地下街解决的。我们每人花了NT$135吃了一顿鳕鱼铁板烧套餐。新鲜的铁板鳕鱼、豆芽、青菜，加上日本饭和无限量饮用的MISO汤和饮料，还有亲切友善的铁板厨师，我们的午餐可说吃得乐不思蜀。

吃完了午餐后，我们继续在地下街闲逛。傍晚时，我们才乘搭捷运往士林夜市吃晚餐。我们已经空出肚子，准备“挑战”所有的美食。

我今天所看到的士林夜市，跟八年前已经截然不同了。规划后的士林观光夜市，已经失去了其特色，只供游客留下“到此一尝”的味蕾回忆。我们吃了好多东西，有臭豆腐、棺材板、甜不辣、蚝虾煎、蚝面线、十全排骨汤等。不过，我觉得这些食物的水准都下降了。只有棺材板和蚝虾煎让我留下了美味的回忆。那天晚上，我们也在夜市玩了很多“电动”游戏，重温了美好的童年生活。。。。。。

台湾十天之旅-第二天（6月1日）

2008-06-12T19:11:00.001-07:00

今天起得很早，因为我们要去新店行道会做礼拜-听张牧师讲道和认识新的会友。

当我们抵达新店市后，我们在误打误撞的情况下找到了类似“美而美”的早餐店，购买了火腿鸡蛋三文治和奶茶当早餐。在台湾，一顿简单、便宜的早餐原来也可以准备得这么用心与美味。一顿丰盛的早餐就这样开启了我们美好的一天。

当我们看见JX与她的小组长骑着“小绵羊”来载我们时，我们都觉得又意外又惊喜。这可说是我们第一次乘坐“小绵羊”，那感觉非常刺激难忘。这也是JX第一次载人，所以她觉得很慌张。不过，我对她有信心，因为我相信神一定会保守我们。

当我们一踏进聚会场所后，一阵似曾相似的感觉不自觉地涌上心头。我离开C2已经超过一年了，不过那些耳熟能详的敬拜赞美之歌还存留在我脑海中，并再次在耳边响起。我曾经那么熟悉的歌曲，我曾经那么熟悉的神的话语啊！我想有一天，我会再次利用我的双语能力，把神的话语带到世界的各个角落。

因为认识了可爱的JX与她的会友们，这次来台湾，我所体验的可说是与众不同。原来一个地方能够牵引你不断地回去，主要原因是因为有朋友在那儿。

午餐时刻，我们吃了麻椒鸡与芋圆。因为太过疲累的关系，麻椒鸡所留下的味觉感受并不深刻。不过，芋圆非常好吃，虽然我已忘了那家连锁店的名字。

午餐后，我们就乘搭客运往乌来去。我们准备在那儿体验泡温泉的感受。离开了新店市后，我们就进入了美丽的山区，呼吸着更新鲜的空气。在乌来的老街上，我们以NT$50的优惠价品尝了三条山猪肉香肠，吃得我们心满意足。

我们带着轻松愉快的心情漫步在河流上，漫步在小桥上。我们踩着轻松的脚步，呼吸着新鲜的空气，就这样不知不觉地来到了乌来瀑布，留下了美丽的倩影与足迹。

我们行走了一个小时后，准备把疲惫的身躯交给温暖的温泉。我们又在机缘巧合下步入了一家在“做活动”的温泉旅店。我们又以NT$200的优惠价在旅馆的套房里泡了半个小时的温泉与休息了半个小时。泡了温泉后，感觉全身毛孔张开，血液流畅，整个人感觉无比轻松与精神抖擞。我相信我今晚一定能够睡得非常香甜。

离开了乌来后，我们就直奔公馆，准备去品尝蓝家割包、青蛙撞奶与蚝仔面线。我们虽然以美食为目的前进，可是到了公馆后，我们却被玲琅满目与价值连城的服饰所吸引，迷失在物质的追逐中。

当我们逛到累，逛到饥饿后，我们才前往蓝家割包品尝最有名的割包与四神汤。浓汤加包子，拜祭了我们的五脏庙后，就是和周公约会的时刻了......

台湾十天之旅-第一天（5月31日）

2008-06-12T18:49:00.000-07:00

相隔八年，又要重回台湾了，心情可说非常矛盾。俗语说“近乡情怯”，我想我的心情应该是这种感受吧。台湾虽然不是我的家乡，可是在我的心里，它却犹如家乡，因为我们的祖先都来自同一个地方。我们都说着相同的两种语言，也吸收着相同的人文“养分”。我相信我将会有一段精彩、丰富的旅游经验。

第一天的时间是在飞机上度过的。我们乘搭国泰航空，所以必须在香港转机。在飞往香港的飞机上，我观看了“PS, I LOVE YOU”这部戏。好感人的一部爱情片啊。原来对一个人的爱与思念是不会消失的，它只会弥留在一封封信纸中，弥留在空气中，弥留在心里。这份爱可以每天“阅读”，每天“呼吸”，每天不间断地想念......

其实搭两趟班机的好处是可以不停地吃，不停地看，不停地睡。不过，我的肚子也装不了这么多的食物。在飞往台湾的班机上，我喝了一杯中国茶。这杯中国茶造成了严重的后果，害我第一天晚上失眠整夜。这可是史无前例哦！

在飞往台湾的班机上，我们也认识了一位常飞往各地公干的审计师。她穿得很有气质，仿佛从"SEX AND THE CITY”走出来的其中一个人物。她很热情地把手机号码给我们，还说我们在台北时可找她玩，因为她刚好放假。

当我们抵达桃园机场时，已经是接近午夜时分。我们乘搭国光客运到达台北车站时，已经接近凌晨一点。在不断问路的过程中。我们终于找到了“TAIWANMEX”，我们接下来三晚将居住的宿舍。我们惊觉我们的房间竟然比厕所还小。不过，因为这里的住宿费超便宜，我们只好欣然接受。今晚我可是太苦了，失眠了一整夜。隔天整个人恍恍惚惚，食不知味。

台湾之旅（3）-关于服饰、鞋子、包包

2008-06-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

五天的疯狂购物，所获得就是以上的这些物品，还有8双袜子、六双丝网、四条首饰，以及各种各样的零食。台北肯定不会是一个会让人觉得闷的地方。它有好多餐馆、小吃店、夜市、购物街、购物场所、书店、海边、高山、温泉、文化表演、演唱会、还有100多个电视频道。太多的选择，让人玩到疯，玩到疲惫不堪......

当我再回去之时，就是逛那里的婚纱店，选择最优惠的配套，并在台湾留下爱情的足迹、美丽的倩影、一生的回忆......